Ever noticed that when you’re struggling in certain areas (finances, relationships, etc.), you can get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions, and suddenly it feels like nothing is going your way?
What if you can change that narrative? In today’s episode, I’m sharing the three steps I use to instantly shift my perspective to feel better about my life. These steps improved not only my mental well-being but also my relationships with my friends, my wife, and my children.
But it’s not about turning a blind eye to life’s challenges. It’s about choosing a lens of optimism and love to view them through. I genuinely believe that if you apply this strategy to your daily life, you’ll allow yourself to experience more happiness, growth, and transformation each and every day.
- My first attempt at enlightenment (Need nothing. Enjoy everything. Love all.)
- Why nothing beats spending quality time with loved ones.
- Whether you think your life is great or you think it’s terrible, you’re right either way.
- What you take for granted, other people pray for.
- Love the life you have while you create the life you want.
- When you change how you look at things, the things you look at change.
THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:
Organifi makes the highest quality nutritional products, which are made from whole food ingredients (not synthetic vitamins) that I enjoy nearly every day, and have for many years. Visit Organifi.com/Hal, and use the code HAL at checkout to get 20% off of your entire order. I hope you find something there that you love! :^)
Rise by CURED Nutrition is a natural supplement made from CBD, Lions Mane and Ginseng (among others) that helps boost energy, performance and cognitive function. There’s no caffeine, no jitters and most importantly, no crash. Visit CuredNutrition.com/Hal and receive 20% off of your entire order. They have tons of other products as well, hopefully you’ll find something that works for you. :^)
- Granger Smith
- Like a River: Finding the Faith and Strength to Move Forward after Loss and Heartache by Granger Smith
- Dan Caldwell
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, William J. Winslade, Harold S. Kushner
- Wayne Dyer
- Penelope Cruz
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Hal Elrod: Hello friends and goal achievers, members of the Miracle Morning Community, it’s Hal Elrod. And today, I was actually scheduled to talk with the Grammy Award-winning country music artist and now bestselling author, Granger Smith, but we had to reschedule. And for those that aren’t familiar with Granger, I do want to take just a minute to tell you about him, his book, his work.
In his new book, Like a River, he shares his story of tragedy and loss. And coming back from that, it’s really heartbreaking. It starts with him finding his three-year-old son, River, face down in their swimming pool, and he attempted CPR, it didn’t work. When the paramedics finally got there, they actually got River’s heart to beat again, but he had suffered so much brain damage from being without oxygen that Granger and his wife, Amber, had to make the decision to take River off of life support. They had to then break the news to River’s siblings, London and Lincoln, and bury River. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. But that wasn’t the end of his story.
And it shares, the book goes on to talk about how they dealt with loss, and as a family, how it strengthened their marriage and how they found purpose in it. If you haven’t yet, I’d encourage you to check out Granger’s book. Again, it’s called Like a River, and it’s especially beneficial, I think, for anybody that’s dealing with loss, but it’s inspiring in general.
And I’m fairly new to Granger and his work. To be totally transparent, I didn’t know about him until a few weeks ago. Literally, my friend Dan Caldwell sent me a text and he said, “Have you read Granger Smith’s new book, Like a River?” I don’t know what it is. And he said, “Oh, he mentions you in the Miracle Morning multiple times.” And so, of course, I was like, “I got to check that out.”
And he talks in his book about how his younger brother, Parker, recommended that he read The Miracle Morning, I think, it was back in 2018. And he ended up, he read it. He said he loved it. He started actually doing a two-hour Miracle Morning every day from 5:30 to 7:30 a.m.
And I’m now a huge fan of Granger. I’ve listened to his music. I’m reading his book on Kindle, listening to the audio version as well in the car. And so, I’m a fan of his book, his music, and really most of him as a person, and that really comes through in his writing. You just sense his sincerity. He’s on a mission now to share his testimony and he’s actually giving up his career as a multiplatinum country singer to follow God and become a preacher, I believe it is.
And anyway, so hopefully, he and I’ll be able to reschedule sooner rather than later. But since Granger couldn’t be here this morning, of course, I still wanted to record a podcast for you. And when I asked myself, what’s the most valuable thing that I could share? I wanted to share a breakthrough that I had recently and the profound lessons that it taught me that I hope will be, of course, equally valuable for you.
So, the other night, I had a breakthrough as I was falling asleep, which is when I had my breakthroughs for whatever reason. I get them in the morning during the Miracle Morning, but I get them a lot before bed. And the breakthrough was I simply realized that the number one most important thing in my life is the quality of my connection with my wife and our two kids, like nothing else means more to me.
And what’s interesting is, I pursued enlightenment for a long time. In fact, I mean, I’m still, I think, on that journey toward enlightenment, if you will. But what’s interesting, the way that I viewed enlightenment, the way I summed it up in a very short, concise, as few words as possible, was to me, being enlightened was to need nothing, enjoy everything, and love all. It was very much a kind of the way I would imagine a monk would pursue it, where it’s like, you don’t need any validation from the outside, you don’t need anything. You just find this place inside of you or through that, maybe it’s your connection to God, right? So, there’s a need of something.
But the way I always viewed, it was like, I’m whole, complete, I don’t need anyone or anything to feel happy, to feel complete, to feel connected. And what I’ve realized over time is I actually do need people in my life. I think that the human organism, I think we were built that way to need each other, to really be fulfilled. It comes, at least for me, from my relationships. And I still think that enlightenment in the way that I just defined it, I think, there’s a lot of value in that because, for example, what if Granger, I can go back to Granger’s story, if he found all of his purpose in his relationship with his son, and then he lost his son, well, what’s left?
So, if it’s dependent on other people, I think there is this balance between, it’s not one or the other, it’s not black and white, it’s not all or nothing. It’s yes, I can be completely at peace with life exactly as it is and not need other people for me to feel complete. However, I can still find my greatest joy in other people. As long as there are other people to share life with, why not?
Again, if everybody on the planet disappears, and I used to watch that show, The Last Man on Earth. I don’t know if you ever saw that but really funny show. My wife and I used to watch. If you’re the last person on Earth, then, yeah, you really need to lean into that enlightenment and being completely at peace with being alone for the rest of your life, but that’s not the case for most of us. Most of us have family and we have friends, and really pouring into those relationships, I think, is at least for me, it’s one of the greatest sources of joy.
And so, the other night, again, I realized that the most important thing to me is my wife and my kids and our connection. And that day, I always really invest time in connecting with my daughter and connecting with my son and connecting with my wife, and not perfect out of every day, of course. But as I was laying down to sleep, I realized, wait a minute, if the number one most important thing in my life is my relationship with my wife and each of my children, three separate relationships, and I feel like I’m not perfect there, but I’m thriving, like, I have really good, loving, open, connected relationships with my wife Ursula and with our two kids.
And I went, wow. So, wait a minute, why am I not in a state of pure joy all the time, realizing that I have what’s most important to me and I’ve earned what’s most important to me? Meaning like, I don’t just passively show up, I really invest time and energy in being the best husband and being the best dad that I can be. I read books on being a great dad and being a great husband every day, and I implement what I learn. A lot of the ways that I will implement it is simply, I will transfer it over to written affirmations that act as a compass, a blueprint guidance for me to be able to fulfill what it is that I want to do.
And so, ultimately, here’s what I wrote to myself. This is the note that I wrote, and I want to read it to you all word for word. And I wrote at the top, Profound Quality of Life Transforming Realization/Breakthrough. I wrote this three nights ago, and here’s what I wrote, Hal, deeply ponder this, the single most important thing to you that brings you the most joy is the quality of your connection with Ursula, Sophia, and Halsten. Nothing brings you more authentic joy than spending quality/connected time with each of them. And conversely, nothing causes me more emotional pain than when we’re not connected or they’re upset at me or I’m not showing up as engaged with them.
And so, I go on to write, first of all, reread what you just wrote and deeply consider how accurate it is. In fact, go beyond considering it and really feel the truth in the paragraph that you wrote above. Second, thank God and experience profound gratitude that I’m thriving in the number one most important priority in my life, my connection, my relationships with Ursula, Sophia, and Halsten. With so much love and gratitude, Hal. So, it’s weird, I know, I write myself notes where I write them to Hal. They’re like, they oscillate between the third person and the first person and maybe the second, I don’t even know. But it’s whatever just comes up for me in the moment.
And so, the reason I’m sharing this with you is in the episode, I think I’m going to title the episode today, I reserve the right to change this idea, but the rough draft right now in my notes is How to Feel Better About Your Life Instantly because when I had this realization, I realized, wow, why am I not just feeling so grateful and happy all the time realizing that the most important thing to me I have, right? How much of our life do we spend focusing on what we don’t have or where we’re falling short just by becoming present to what you have in your life?
And part of it for me is like, I value being a great dad probably more than anything because I feel like it’s the most important responsibility that I have, right? My kids, they only have one dad, it’s me, and I only get one chance to be their dad. And so, I feel like I really, really want to be the best dad I can possibly be. And nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than when I show up as a great dad. And I get it wrong, probably almost as often as I get it right, meaning I’ll try to give my daughter some advice or connect with her. She’s 14 now, so she’s in those teenage years. And sometimes, quite often, it doesn’t land, like I say the wrong thing and I upset her more or I make it worse, and sometimes my wife– because I’ve never been a teenage girl, by the way. And I think there are definitely differences in the way teenage girls interact with their friends than the way teenage boys interact with their friends. There’s definitely some similarities, but there’s also differences.
And a lot of times, my wife will overhear me talking to my daughter and trying to give her what I think is helpful advice and my wife will just, like, she’ll shake her head or quietly, she’ll pull me aside afterwards. She never usually does it in front of our daughter. We try to be a united front as much as we can, but she’ll pull me aside after and go, “Oh, sweetie, that wasn’t the– you know, you should not have said it that way. Let me offer you a different way.” And as a teenage girl, here’s how this works and yada, yada. So, by the way, the value of co-parenting to me, like being able to rather than take no, no, my way is the right way, it’s like, wow, yeah, you were a teenage girl. I really lean on my wife for her wisdom, which she brings a ton of.
Hey, goal achievers, do you ever struggle with sleep, either falling asleep or staying asleep or anywhere in between? And a few years ago, that was the most difficult time in my life when I could not get a good night’s sleep and it went on for five or six months and it was really detrimental. And so, I want to help people as much as I can. And I went through a period of going down the rabbit hole, trying to find every solution I possibly could.
And one of those solutions was using sleep supplements to help relax me and aid in my ability to fall asleep. And I tried everything on Amazon and I landed on a couple of supplements who are now sponsors of the podcast. And these were really helpful for me. And so, I want to recommend these to you. The first is Organifi Magnesium.
Now, magnesium has natural calming properties that can help manage and mitigate stress and promote relaxation, which can contribute to falling asleep more easily. I take Organifi Magnesium 90 minutes before I lay down to go to bed and it’s been helpful. And so, you can get 20% off if you go to Organifi.com/Hal, that is spelled O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I dot-com/Hal, and use the discount code Hal, H-A-L, at checkout for 20% off your order as a listener of the podcast.
And then I pair Organifi Magnesium with CURED Nutrition’s CBN Night Caps. Now, these are a CBD and CBN combination. It’s a capsule. Again, I take it about 90 minutes before bed with Organifi Magnesium. And CBN helps you, it has a sedative effect. It supports your body’s natural sleep rhythms throughout the night for a deep restorative sleep state. So, I highly recommend trying that as well. And you can get 20% off your order at CuredNutrition.com/Hal. Again, that is CURED Nutrition, C-U-R-E-D Nutrition.com/Hal, use the discount code H-A-L at checkout for a 20% off your entire order.
The last thing I want to say is this, remember, sleep supplements are supplemental to good sleep hygiene. So, if you go to bed, you’re feeling stressed and you’re on your phone to the last minute, they’re not going to do anything. You’ve got to also have good sleep habits, which in the new book, The Miracle Morning updated and expanded edition of an entire chapter called The Miracle Evening, where I break down my routine.
And yes, these two supplements, Organifi Magnesium and CURED Nutrition Night Caps are two of the supplements that I talk about in The Miracle Evening. So, I hope they are helpful for you as well. Again, Organifi.com/Hal and CuredNutrition.com/Hal to get each of those products, and I hope they help you get a good night’s sleep.
Here is, I want to share two lessons from this little story that I just shared about me having this breakthrough that you can implement to feel better about your life instantly. And I guess, the first lesson really is that how you feel about everything, how you feel about your life, how you feel about another person, how you feel about your career, how you feel about your body, how you feel about your past, all of that, how you feel about anything and everything is based on your perspective. Probably not new news to you, right? You’re like nodding your head, “Yeah, I know that, Hal. Got it. So, what?”
Well, you have the ability to choose your perspective. So, you have the ability to choose how you feel, right? Henry Ford, I love when you said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right either way.” Well, I like to adapt that quote to our life, how we view our life and go, if you think your life is great or you think your life is terrible, you’re right either way. It’s all perspective.
Viktor Frankl kind of proved that in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when he shared that he was in a concentration camp not knowing if he would ever see his children again. I think some of his relatives had already been killed by the Nazi regime, and he was watching people die every day. He was on the brink of starvation. I mean, he was being fed minimal amount of food just to not die. He was living in the most horrible circumstances.
And you may remember that the famous quote from that book is the last of man’s freedom is to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances. So, no matter what’s going on around you, you get to choose what’s going on inside of you. In other words, you get to choose your perspective.
And for me, the easiest way I found to remember that is what I call life’s two pages. And you may have heard me share this before, but I’ll give you a little refresher course, which is that in life, we have two pages that we can focus on in any given moment. I usually call it, there’s the positive page and the negative page, or sometimes, I call it the positive page and the painful page. But if you look at your life, you look at the positive. You can list everything. That page lists everything that you have to feel grateful about, everything you feel good about, everything that’s going well for you. And sometimes, that page is longer than others, right?
But if we actually are thoughtful, that page is always infinitely long. Like, do you have food every day? Do you get to eat three meals a day or two meals or one meal or whatever? But that goes on the positive page that you get to your food, but what’s interesting goes back to that whole glass is half empty, glass is half full perspective, which is that let’s say you can only afford two meals a day, and so, you’re focused on, well, I only get two meals a day, whereas the person that only gets one meal a day or doesn’t know where their next meal is coming from would be so grateful for two meals a day. You’ve probably heard it said before that many people are praying for the things that you’re taking for granted, right? Like, I hate my job, and the person that’s unemployed that can’t make any money and support their family goes, I would kill for your job, might not be my first choice, might not be my favorite thing to do, but I would do anything to be able to support my family.
So, again, keep in mind, some of the things that you’re complaining about, other people are praying for. And so, in life, we have two pages to focus on. One page lists all we have to feel good about, the positive page. And then one lists everything you have to feel bad about, the negative page. And the quality of your life, how you feel in any given moment is based on which page you’re focused on.
Great examples, yeah, I like to use, sometimes it’s helpful to use the kind of extreme examples where, if you were sitting there upset about your life and you’re like, “My life sucks, it’s terrible,” and then you get some great news, you just inherited a million dollars or your doctor calls you and that tumor that you thought was cancerous that you haven’t been able to sleep at night because you think that you might have cancer and then you get the news that, “No, it’s actually benign, you don’t have cancer,” all of a sudden, the way you feel instantly is changed.
So, when you change your perspective, it changes the way you feel. That’s not where we’re going to land today, though, by the way. This is an important lesson. It’s fundamental. It’s foundational. I don’t think it’s the most important lesson. At least, it’s not the one that I want to share today.
In fact, the one that I want to share today, actually, it came to me this morning after I was reading this note that I wrote myself the other day about my number one most important thing to me is my family and I’m thriving in those areas. So, I should feel so much joy over that aspect of my life. And then this morning, something came through me, if you will, and I posted it on Twitter.
And interestingly enough, my doctor who runs a clinic here in Austin, he texted me out of the blue and he said, “Hey, that tweet was really helpful this morning. I really needed that.” And it just so happened to be it was while I was preparing for my podcast with Granger. So, everything, it might all be meant to be, it might be meant to be that you’re listening to this episode right now and what I’m about to share with you, as opposed to had Granger and I’ve been able to record today because maybe this is exactly what you need. Just like my doctor emailed me or texted me and said that tweet, I mean, what is it, 280 characters, he said that was exactly what he needed this morning. It was really helpful.
So, here’s what I text, and then I will unpack it a lot more than I did on Twitter because Twitter limits you to 280 characters. So, here’s the text I wrote that my doctor texts me about. I said, “The key to being genuinely happy is to consciously work toward loving every aspect of your life exactly as it is, while simultaneously striving to improve and evolve. It is our constant wishing things were different that causes us inner turmoil. In other words, love the life you have while you create the life you want.”
So, let me unpack that for you. Let’s apply it to a relationship. So, if you’re married, I would encourage you to apply this to your spouse. If you’re not married, or if you have a significant other, apply it to your significant other, but you could also apply it to someone in your life that you maybe have a challenging time with because they get on your nerves, they trigger you. Maybe it’s your mom or your dad or your sister or your brother, your sibling, your parent. Maybe it’s your coworker or your boss. Maybe it’s one of your children.
But pick one person in your life who you would love to improve that relationship. And when I say that, really let me put it another way. You have to improve how you feel about that person. So, think about if the key to being genuinely happy is to consciously work toward loving every aspect of your life exactly as it is while simultaneously striving to improve and evolve each aspect, then imagine your spouse, the key to having a great marriage, at least to me, one of the fundamental keys, it’s not like there’s only one thing you need to do. Date nights are important and being a good listener is important and making your spouse feel cherished. I mean, there’s a lot of pieces, but I would argue that this is maybe the most important, maybe it’s the foundational piece. It’s to love your spouse exactly as they are.
Let’s unpack this in terms of, imagine if you could get to that point. So, right now, I’d imagine there’s probably things about your spouse that irk you, that bother you, that you wish they did this differently, you wish they didn’t do this thing, you wish they did more of this, you wish they were more like you in certain ways. I’m guilty of that. I would imagine there are certain things that you really value, whether it’s personal development or eating healthy or being frugal with your money or whatever it is, right? There’s things that you’re like, “I wish my spouse was more like me. Why aren’t they more like that? Why don’t they get it? Why don’t they do it like I do it?” Because you obviously do it the way you do it because you think that’s the right way.
And when you do that, the second part of what I said here is it is our constant wishing things were different that causes us inner turmoil. It is our constant– so, it’s wishing any aspect of your life were different that causes you emotional pain, inner turmoil. In other words, you’ve probably heard me say it this way, say it another way, which is every painful emotion you’ve ever experienced is self-created by your resistance to reality. It’s wishing reality were different. I wish that didn’t happen. I wish she didn’t say that. I wish he didn’t do that.
And you think about it, if it’s already happened, if he already said that or she already did that, you can’t change it. You can’t unsay, you can’t undo it. And it’s you’re wishing and wanting that reality were different, you’re wishing and wanting that things were different that causes your inner turmoil. And we constantly wish people and events and our body and our past and we constantly wish things were different.
So, if the degree that we wish things were different determines the degree of emotional pain that we experience or inner turmoil or use those interchangeably, then it would mean the opposite of resistance, which is acceptance. Or to go further, accepting something as kind of step one that’s getting yourself to a place of emotional neutrality, inner peace, but if you want to go further than just accepting your spouse as they are or accepting life as it is, but actually loving, really getting to the place where you can love your life exactly as it is, to love your spouse exactly as they are, to love the home that you live in or the apartment that you live in or the tent that you’re camping in or wherever you live rather than wishing it were different to love it exactly as it is.
And by the way, I want you all to get what I’m sharing with you right now, this was a breakthrough that I needed. So, I’m not coming from a place of I’ve got this all, I’m perfect in this area, I don’t ever wish things were different, I love every aspect of my life exactly as it is. No, I am absolutely a work in progress with this. That’s why this breakthrough came through me for me first because I need this. And then, of course, I’m going to pay it forward and I’m going to share it with you.
But love your body exactly as it is. You might go, Hal, no, but I need to lose weight. Or I’ve been neglecting my body. I haven’t been taking care of myself. Well, let me be very clear about something. Let’s be very clear about what it means to love someone or love something, whether it’s your spouse or your life or your job or your body or your house or your children or yourself. What does it mean to love someone or something? It doesn’t mean that you give up on making it better. It’s the opposite. If you love something, you want what’s best for that thing, you want what’s best for that person, you want what’s best for yourself.
If you love your body, it doesn’t mean you resign yourself to making it better. No, the opposite of that. If you love your body, you want what’s best for it. You’re going to feed it better. But if you hate your body, well, then, do you really want what’s best for things that you hate? Probably not. This is a very subtle but profound psychological shift, perspective shift, shift in intention to actually love the things that you don’t necessarily like.
If you don’t like your body, can you love your body because love transcends like? If you don’t like your spouse right now, if you’re annoyed with them, maybe they bother you, maybe you’re in a difficult space, can you love your spouse? Again, loving someone or something means you want what’s best for it. Also, when you love someone or something, you have compassion for the way that it is and you want what’s best for it.
So, the key to being genuinely happy is consciously working toward loving every aspect of your life exactly as it is, meaning you have compassion for the way that it is, the way that person is. You realize that if you had lived their life and been born with their brain and been raised by their parents and influenced by the influences that they’ve been influenced by, you’d probably be the exact same way because you’d be them. If you were them, you’d be them and you’d act like them. You probably heard me say that before. It’s one of the greatest lessons I learned in terms of relationships is that we often from our high horse, from our perspective, from our life experience, we judge and condemn other people for the way that they are. How dare you do that? I would never do that. Of course, you wouldn’t do that. You didn’t live their life. You don’t have their brain. It doesn’t mean that you– again, it’s not about resigning yourself to, well, I’m just going to let them treat me poorly because they are who they are. No. You’re going to love them.
And sometimes, loving someone, and we’re not going to go too far to loving up, like we could do a whole relationship masterclass or relationship podcast. That’s not what this is about. But when you love someone and you have compassion for who they are, you also want them to be better. And sometimes, when you love someone, you have to distance yourself from that person or that thing, right?
If you’re in an abusive relationship, I am saying love that person, but I’m not saying that you stay with that person. I’m not saying, if a person is abusing you and you’ve tried and you’ve tried and they’re repeatedly abusing you, again, this is a different topic. I don’t want to go too far into this but bringing it back to the lesson here. And there’s really two, I want to remind you. There was a really small but crucial, pivotal lesson about perspective that how you feel about your life and about yourself and about your spouse and about your body is based on your perspective. If you resist the reality that is your spouse or your body or your life or your career to the degree that you resist that reality determines the degree of emotional pain that you create for yourself.
Remember, it’s our constant wishing things were different that causes our inner turmoil and it’s the degree that we wish they were different. If we’d kind of wish they were different, like, “Man, I really wish this were different,” it’s very casual. The inner turmoil is very subtle. But if you’re like, “God, I can’t stand this. I can’t. Oh, why can’t it be different? Why? Why are they this way? I can’t stand the way they are,” then you’re probably going to create a lot of inner turmoil.
But when you understand that you can choose your perspective, therefore, you can choose the way that you feel, and remember, the easy way to do it, this is literally an exercise, do this, get out two pieces of paper or get out one piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. And I encourage you to do this by hand. It’s been so long since I learned about this that I can’t explain it in a scientific way, but in a layman’s way, there’s something very different that happens when you write pen to paper as opposed to typing. There’s a difference in the way your brain connects with forming letters by hand versus punching keys on a keyboard.
Again, you got to Google that if you want an in-depth explanation. That’s my very surface-level explanation, but that’s why I now keep a journal by my bedside. I’ve done it for a while and I write things by hand when I have a profound realization that I’m falling asleep, which is almost every night. And when I say profound, that’s my own assessment of it being profound. Sometimes, I go back and I read the notes and I’m like, this is not that profound than I thought it was profound, but it’s really not, but anyway.
So, yeah, so number one is perspective. Remember, there’s two pages. So, both the page, write the line down the middle, and write down the positive aspects on the left side and the negative aspects on the right side. And again, negative is perspective, so that’s your perspective. Somebody else might see a negative aspect, go, “That’s not negative. That’s actually really important. It’s really valuable.” You’re like, “Really?” Yeah, wow, you change your perspective. Everything changes.
In fact, there’s a great Wayne Dyer quote, if you don’t know this quote, it’s one of my favorites, it’s worth writing down. And even if you know it, let’s write it down again. Wayne Dyer said that, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” If you look at the aspects of your life through the lens of what you don’t like about them, then you don’t feel good about those aspects of your life. In fact, your entire life can– all of a sudden, it sucks.
Man, if all you did is write down all the things about your life that are terrible that you don’t like, if that’s all you did and you wrote that down and you focused on that list, if you didn’t write down the positive, you just wrote down the negative and you stared at that, how would you feel about your life? You’d probably feel terrible. You go, “Man, my life sucks. What’s the point? My life’s terrible.”
Same thing, if you wrote down everything that bothers you about your spouse and then you looked at that list, you felt it, you meditated on it, you just stared at it, you’d probably not feel good about your marriage. You go, “Man, why am I married to this person? There’s some literally things I don’t like about this person.” But if you did the opposite and you wrote down everything about your life that you love, that you’re grateful for, that you’ve been blessed with, the relationships that you have, the security that you have, whatever that looks like, and I know many people listening right now, there’s things right now that are so painful, financial challenges or challenges in your marriage. I’m telling you, they’re temporary. You can turn all of them around. You can. You can turn anything around. Let that sink in. Everything is temporary.
And as Penelope Cruz said in the movie Vanilla Sky, “Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around,” and I think one of the most important places to start is how you feel about your life. How you feel about your life. And I would encourage you to move from a place of fear or anger or hate or whatever, if there’s any negative, painful, tumultuous states that you’ve been residing in lately. And even if that’s just a part of your life, like your spouse or your job or your physical health, whatever it is, I’d encourage you to start by shifting your perspective because you literally can feel better about your life instantly. I’d encourage you to write out those two pages.
And then, once you do that, that’s like step one, and then step two is, okay, now, how do I move from realizing that I’ve got a lot of things in my life that are good right now, things that I maybe have been taking for granted up until this point? How do I move from that place of realizing that I can be at peace with the things I don’t have, I can focus on things I do have? And then how do I move from there to actually loving my life exactly as it is, loving my spouse exactly as he or she is, loving my body exactly as it is? And remember, loving it means having compassion for the way that it is while wanting what’s best for it.
And then, of course, you’ve got to move into step three, which is proactively creating the life that you want. Personally, even though I’m not a perfect dad, I can feel good about the fact that I care so much that I wake up every day and I read the books and I do the affirmations and I spend time with my kids and I jump on the trampoline with my son and we play basketball and we swim in the pool and I talk to my daughter. My son’s a great example, like, I don’t have the energy he has. He wants to jump for hours, and 20 minutes in, I’m like, “All right, I’m good. I’m good. Buddy, can we go inside?” He’s like, “No, let’s keep jumping for three more hours.”
Anyway, all right, let’s wrap this up. I hope this is helpful for you. Again, realize that your life, if you are alive, which you are, you’re listening to this, but you already have everything that you need to be the happiest that you could ever be, it’s called life. It’s not about getting more, it’s about loving the life that you have. Love the life you have while you create the life of your dreams. Love the life you have while you create the life that you want. Love the spouse you have while you work on improving yourself and improving your marriage. Love all. Need nothing, enjoy everything, love all.
All right, I will talk to you all next week. Thank you so much for tuning in. Hopefully, I’ll be bringing an episode with Granger Smith to you very, very soon. And I want to leave you, I want to read the lesson that came through that I posted on Twitter. I know I’ve said it a few times, but I believe in the power of repetition. I believe, maybe it’s because I have brain damage, but I like to hear things multiple times over and over and over again so they really sink in.
Here it is. The key to being genuinely happy is to consciously work toward loving every aspect of your life exactly as it is, while simultaneously striving to improve and evolve. It is our constant wishing things were different that cause our inner turmoil. So, in other words, love the life you have while you create the life you want. All right, friends, I love you. Have a great week and I will talk to you next week. Take care.