419: How to Optimize Your Most Important Relationships

Hal Elrod: Welcome to the Achieve Your Goals podcast. This is your host, Hal Elrod. And thank you so much for tuning in today. I really, really appreciate you listening. And today’s episode, I think it turned out really good. I think you’re going to like it. Is that not humble? Or am I lacking humility in saying that? I don’t know. I just finished recording it, though. And we’re talking, it’s really personal. This is actually an extraordinarily personal episode. The benefit for you is this is really sharing my personal, my best wisdom, and really actionable strategies on how to optimize your relationships. Specifically, we’re talking about, with your significant other, but you’ll catch it throughout the episode. I mean, this is really you can apply this to anybody. You can apply this if you’re a CEO to your employees. You can apply this to your family members. You can apply this to your children. You can apply this to your coworkers.

Today’s episode, you can apply to optimize any relationship, and this is really about taking personal responsibility for creating the most fulfilling, successful relationship that you desire on your own, meaning where it’s not dependent on the other person. One of the coauthors of one of the Miracle Morning series books, it’s the Miracle Morning for transforming your relationship, my coauthors, they say that it only takes one person to transform a relationship, right? If you change your perception of the other person, that in and of itself transformed your relationship. Think about that. Our perception is our reality. If you perceive someone based on all their faults and the things you don’t like about them, that’s going to cause you to feel negatively toward them and feel like the relationship maybe should end or it’s not a good relationship. If you simply change your focus and you focus on all the things about the other person that you appreciate, that you admire, that the things they do, like all the positive qualities, that is going to completely transform your reality of the relationship, your perception.

So, today we’re going to talk about how to optimize your relationships. And this is something you can implement immediately. And again, you can apply it. Again, it’s a personal episode. I mentioned that I’m sharing, like, I’m reading you my affirmations today. I’m giving you my playbook on how I optimize my relationship with my wife, Ursula, specifically. But then I’m turning it around on here’s how you can apply it to your relationship with your significant other, your partner, or any relationship in your life. So, hope today is really valuable for you.

Before we dive into the episode and the content today, I want to take just a couple of minutes to first and foremost, thank our sponsor, Organifi. Organifi has been a longtime sponsor of the podcast. I am so appreciative of their support of our work. And here’s what I want to say about Organifi today, not all plants are created equal or equally, I think that’s the proper way to say it. We’ve heard that fruits and vegetables contain vitamins and minerals that we need for a healthy life, but have you heard of adaptogens? Now, adaptogens are herbs and mushrooms that literally help you adapt to the stress of your life. They balance hormones, they promote a state of calmness, and they help you get back to homeostasis faster than you otherwise would.

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And then last but not least, I just want to remind everybody in case you don’t have it yet, the Miracle Morning finally has an official app in the App Store for Apple for your Apple phone, your iPhone, and in the Google Play Store for your Android device, right? So, if you are a smartphone user, you now have a Miracle Morning app that helps you to stay accountable, stay engaged, stay connected to the Miracle Morning Community through daily videos and also get training from me all in the Miracle Morning app. So, check it out in your favorite App Store or the Google Play Store. Alright. Without further ado, let’s talk about how you can optimize your most important relationships.

[INTERVIEW]

Hal Elrod: Hey, goal achievers and members of the Miracle Morning Community, welcome to the podcast today. And let’s talk about relationships today. I’m going to talk about romantic relationships with your significant other. So, whether that is a spouse or a girlfriend or boyfriend, or whoever you consider your significant other, but also, today you’re going to see how this really applies to relationships with every other person in our life. But the focus being on that, those relationships or that relationship that we have with our significant other, how to make it as fulfilling and successful as it can possibly be, and really just a different paradigm, kind of a shift in how you approach that and what I’ve learned over the years as a husband and trying to be the best that I can be for my wife and for our family and for me.

So, let’s start with this question, why on earth would you commit to spend the rest of your life with another person? I think that’s a fair question, I think it’s a really important one. We’re very conditioned by society that this is the way things are. You go to school, then you go to college, then you get a job, then you get married. In general, we have these societal norms that many of us adhere to. But I think that’s a fair question. Like, why would you commit to spend your life with one person? I could see the other side of it, like as you grow and evolve, might you want to expand your horizons and your relationships and experience different relationships with different people, right? So, that’s kind of the alternative as opposed to spending your life with one person in a committed relationship.

Now, my wife and I, Ursula, we’ve been together for 17 years and married for 12. And the other night, we went out for Valentine’s Day. So, what is today? Today is February 16^th, officially that I’m recording this, and you’ll listen to this in about a week most likely or beyond that. But we went out for Valentine’s Day and we celebrated how far we’ve come. We also talked about where we’re committed to going together. And what I’ve learned about, and really, what I continue to learn, it’s not like I learned it, figured it out. I got relationships all figured it out, I’m good. No, I’ve continued to learn that really, the key to having a successful, fulfilling relationship, it has much less to do with the other person and almost everything to do with how I choose to perceive and treat the other person, in this case, my wife.

And I heard it said a long time ago that something along the lines of being in a happy relationship, it might have been a happy marriage, I don’t remember. But being in a happy relationship isn’t so much about finding the perfect partner as it is about striving to be the perfect partner. So, it kind of goes with what I’m talking about here that it’s really less to do with the other person and almost everything to do with how I choose to perceive and treat the other person. And so, here’s what I find is that my perception of someone informs both how I feel about that person and how I treat them, how I behave toward them. And the key here or the powerful empowering realization is that we all have the power to alter our perception by choosing what we focus on. So, we can choose to focus on their faults or their gifts, either one. And what you focus on is going to expand how you feel about that person so we can amplify what we don’t like about another person or we can amplify what we appreciate.

So, realize that every person in our life, including our significant other, they have gifts and they have faults, they have strengths and they have what you might say are weaknesses. There are things about them that we like, that we love, that we admire, that we appreciate, and there are things that we don’t like, that annoy us, that bother us. Whatever we focus on will inform how we feel about that person. Think about that, whatever we focus on expands in life, in general, we create our own reality based on what we focus on. So, I know this isn’t rocket science. It’ll get a little– well, let’s keep going here.

But what’s the point of saying all that? What’s the point of saying all that? So, whatever we focus on will inform how we feel about the person, that will influence how we treat them, right? If you feel a ton of love and appreciation toward your significant other, is that going to influence how you treat that person? Of course, you’re going to look at them and go, “Hey, how are– I love you. You’re amazing.” You’re going to treat them with so much reverence. But if you’re focusing on the things about the person that bother you, that annoy the heck out of you, you’re going to feel very differently when you look at that person, when you think of that person, your significant other. And then like I said, it applies to every person in your life. But specifically, your significant other, if you’re focusing on things that you do not like, you’re going to not feel compelled to shower them with love and treat them the way that– you could argue that we all deserve to be treated.

So, again, what’s the point in saying all this? It’s to clarify that we all have the ability to choose what we focus on with regards to our significant other, or again, anyone else in our life, for that matter. And thus, we can create our perception, and I shouldn’t say we can, we do. Based on what we focus on, we create our perceptions and influence our behavior. And thus, if we take ownership of that, we’re able to determine how fulfilling our relationships are. So, for me, personally, to ensure that I remember all of this, and most importantly, that I implement it consistently because it’s one thing to hear this or to know this and go, oh yeah, that makes sense. If I focus on the things about my partner that I love and appreciate and admire, that’s going to create a perception of my partner that really lights me up, that makes me feel really good about them, really appreciate them, really connected to them. It enables me just to fall, to love them and appreciate them just deeper, to evolve how I perceive that person. Am I going to focus on the opposite? It impacts how I feel, and therefore, how I treat that person.

So, for me, to ensure that I remember and implement all this consistently, it’s very simple, I keep a page of affirmations that I read every day or almost every day, probably five, six days a week, to remind myself of all the qualities that I love and appreciate about my wife and to affirm how specifically I’m committed to treating her every single day. So, again, my affirmations, there’s the two objectives. Number one is to create the perception, to foster the perception, to nurture the perception of my wife that is based on all of the qualities about her that I love and that I appreciate, and I hyperfocus on those to create my perception and remind me how amazing she is and how blessed I am to have her in my life.

And then the other aspect is I affirm, how will I show up for her today and every day? How will I treat her today and every day? How am I committed to treating her every single day that will enable her to feel loved and appreciated and special? So, it’s not just something that I’m feeling inside based on affirming the things about her that I appreciate, but I’m actually expressing through my behavior, through my words, I’m expressing the perception that I’m fostering so that she feels loved and appreciated and special. You remember, our perception informs how we feel and how we treat others. So, it’s important, it’s crucial that we’re intentional and proactive about fostering a perception that compels us to love our significant others more deeply every day and to treat them the way that they want, and I would argue they deserve, we all deserve to be treated.

And going back to the question that I started with, why on earth would you commit to spend your life with another person? I think if we can commit to doing it this way, sharing our life with another person is one of the most fulfilling commitments that we can make. And I’ll share some of my affirmations. So, you actually get some examples of, okay, what am I affirming every day that enables me to optimize my perception and to optimize my behavior. So, the first thing, so my affirmations right now, and they evolve like they’re always in a rough draft, and this is true for all of my affirmations.

At one point, they were called the husband of Ursula’s dreams affirmations. I think that’s how I started the year out. They were called that. I wanted to focus on what is her– what has she told me she really wants and she needs? And what fulfills her? What can I do? What has she told me? She said it over and over and over, and sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other, right? But I really wanted to frame it from that perspective that the husband of her dreams as she defines it, not as I think I should be for her, but as she has asked me or requested or expressed that she would really appreciate if I showed up in a certain way for her. We have unique needs and desires and we can either listen to our significant other and what they’re asking for, what they’re telling us what they want, or we can decide how we believe we should be.

And by the way, I’m not saying one’s right or wrong. We could decide, though, that you know what? I’ve read the five love languages and I know her love language is this, or his love language is that, but I don’t care. I’m doing me. I’m going to treat them the way that I want. I’m not going to meet their love language, like you could do that, right? Good luck on having a really fulfilling relationship. I’m not sure how that’ll work out. So, here we go. By the way, my affirmations are now titled, and they might change tomorrow or next week or next month. Right now, they are titled My 2022 Enlightened Husband Affirmations, Enlightened Husband Affirmations. And that, by the way, is based on the frame that I’ve been studying enlightenment. And it’s a loaded word, enlightenment. But I’ve really been studying being enlightened, and the way that I define enlightened in a really simple term is coming to a place where you’re completely free, you’re free from worrying about what other people think, you’re free from letting fear or anger or lower levels of consciousness dictate the way that you experience your life, you’re free to experience life as you choose. So, I guess freedom and enlightenment, to me, kind of go hand in hand, but freedom is kind of the inner freedom, the internal freedom.

So, anyway, Enlightened Husband Affirmation. So, the first statement on there, I wrote on my affirmations, Ursula shared this quote with me and said, “I just love this and would love for us to live that way.” So, again, my affirmation starts out with a quote that my wife texted me a while back that she prefaced with I love this quote and I would love for us to live that way. So again, this is looking at our relationship through her lens, through her eyes. This is what she’s telling me. And the quote is “Find someone who loves you for no reason and then shower them with reasons.” So, I want to be reminded if she told me that’s important to her, and it’s such an important part of relationships is really listening. What’s the other person telling you is important to them and then affirming that every day that, oh yeah, remember, because an affirmation in the simplest terms is just a reminder. That’s the way that I look at affirmations, all an affirmation is, is it’s simply a reminder of something that’s important to you or what matters most to you, and you’re affirming it every day, reminding yourself of it every day so that it’s top of mind, and that you can embody it, that you can understand it, whatever the thing, the mindset, the actions, the behaviors, the habits, whatever those things are, that you can affirm them, understand them at a deeper level and then you can embody them, you can live in alignment with what it is that you’re affirming.

The next thing in my affirmations is remember that my mission as a husband is to focus daily on making Ursula feel like the most special person in the world. And actually, that came from a book I’m reading called Breakthrough by David Nurse, a great book, I recommend it. It’s basically how to systematically create breakthroughs in your life as opposed to just randomly allowing them to take place when you have an aha moment. How do you actually strategically set up your life every day to focus on in a way that you’re generating breakthrough after breakthrough after breakthrough? So, anyway, that’s the book Breakthrough by David Nurse.

But in the foreword, David’s wife, Taylor Kalupa, she said that that’s his daily pursuit, that he has a daily pursuit of making her feel like the most special person in the world. And that really resonated with me. And it’s something that my wife told me in the past that I want to feel cherished by you, I want to feel important to you. And in the past, I failed her at that because I’ve been focused on work or my goals so much so that I’m neglecting her, or at least she feels neglected. And so, this really resonated with me to focus daily on making Ursula feel like the most special person in the world. It resonated not just with me, but again, like from my perspective, but from what she’s told me is important to her.

And then, the next part of the affirmations, it says, navigate the how. I’m not sure, I think that also might have come from Breakthrough. It’s interesting. I update my affirmations all the time whenever I read a quote or a new idea or philosophy, a concept that I want to integrate into my affirmations. I usually put it at the top. I’m reading the book Breakthrough right now, and that’s why some of these affirmations are very recent, inspired by that book. One of the concepts in the book is navigate the how. So, I’ve got three questions that start with how. So, the first one is how can I make Ursula feel like the most special person in the world today?

First and foremost, tell her every day that she’s the most special person in the world to me, so express that, tell it to her so that she’s heard it so many times that it’s buried deep in her, or I should say, ingrained deep in her subconscious. The second thing, do things for her acts of service that make her life easier and show her that I love her. So, again, this is using my affirmations to direct my behavior. Telling her every day that she’s the most special person in the world to me and doing things for her acts of service that make her– it’s one of her love languages, that make her life easier and show her that I love her. The second question I asked in navigating the how is how can I fall deeper in love with Ursula every day and appreciate who she is more and more? So, do you see this? By the way, I want to pause, like, are you doing this in your relationship? Are you being intentional every day to focus on what you can do, what you can focus on, what you can affirm, what you can tell yourself, what you can say to fall deeper in love with your partner and to appreciate who they are more and more?

And again, you can apply this to everyone in your life, every person in your life. If you’re a CEO and your employees frustrate you, oh, men, they’re not meeting my standards, right? That’s really how we approach relationships very often is we have standards and expectations and values and ways of being and then we project those on to other people. You’re not acting the way I think you should act. You’re not treating me the way that I believe I deserve to be treated. You’re not working as hard as I work and as hard as I think you should work. Again, whether it’s your significant other, whether you’re a CEO looking at your employees, whether you’re thinking about your family members, this whole episode applies to everybody, every human, every relationship that you have.

So, again, I ask, how can I fall deeper in love with her every day and appreciate who she is more and more? And here’s the answer, it’s very simple. First and foremost, simply read these affirmations every day to remind me, and just so you have a visual in my affirmations, these are bullet points. Like number one, how can I make Ursula feel like the most special person in the world today? And then bullet point one, first and foremost, tell her every day that she’s the most special person in my life, just to give you a visual in case you’re wanting to model this in your affirmations. My affirmations, I use colors, I use emojis, I use bullet points, I’m very visual. And if it’s just a long block of plain text without bold headings and bullet points, I will gloss over and I’ll avoid reading it.

And then the third question that I’m asking here in my affirmations under navigating the how is how can I be the husband of Ursula’s dreams and meet all of her needs? And my answer to that is listen to what she tells me she wants and needs and acts on her desires. And again, like I said a few minutes ago, I have not always been the best at that. She says, “This is what I want and need.” And actually, this is probably what I do the most. I justify, I’m already doing. How could you say that you need that from me when I am already doing X, Y, and Z? And if that’s not enough for you to feel loved or cherished like I do, and I throw my hands, oh yeah, that’s your issue. That’s your problem. And I could argue that’s true. And we all have responsibility for our feelings and blah blah blah. Or I could just listen and go, oh, okay, thank you for sharing that. What can I do better? What can I do that would make you feel, that would show you from your perspective the way that you see the world, not the way I see the world that I think you should see it the way I see it? No, sweetheart, I love you. From your perspective, what could I do that would help meet that need that you have or achieve that desire? Awesome. Okay, I’m going to work on that.

In fact, sweetheart, thank you for telling me that, I’m going to put that in my affirmations, whether I tell her or I don’t tell her, it’s a secret, I put in the affirmations. Sometimes it’s better, it’s more romantic, if it’s a secret, where it’s in the affirmations, and all sudden, I’m acting in the way that she asked and she’s pleased. In fact, it happened– well, I’ll skip that story. Alright. And here’s the next part of my affirmations. And you guys are seeing, by the way, this is like a bonus lesson in how I create affirmations. So, you see, it started with a quote, then I’ve got a reminder, right? Remember that my mission as a husband, and then I’ve got navigate the how and I’m asking these questions, how can I be a better husband? How can I make Ursula feel cher– how can I, right?

And then this next part of the affirmations is my number one guide to be the husband of Ursula’s dreams is to reread and master The Way of the Superior Man. That is a book that I read recently, and it’s probably the best book I’ve ever read on relationships from a man’s perspective, kind of the difference between the masculine and the feminine energy, which of course, I mean, that’s another conversation it could apply. We all have both energies within us, but basically, with that frame of understanding the masculine and feminine energy and then understanding how to navigate your relationship from those energies. Anyway, best book I’ve read on how to have a successful relationship.

And then so, it’s a reminder that hey, yeah, Hal, don’t forget, you’ve got to go back and reread that, reading it once. Very rarely can I read a book once, and it’s enough to change who we are. And I think it’s in for everybody. I mean, I don’t have a great memory, so I have to read and reread and reread and reread things. And I realize I just affirmed that I don’t have a great memory, so my bad. And then, also, the next thing I wrote down is write out my best estimate as to what Ursula would define as her ideal husband, the husband of her dreams, and then affirm that every day. And listen to this, you guys, use emotional optimization meditation and visualization daily to reinforce it and be the husband of her dreams.

So, you may notice, I’m using two of the SAVERS in my affirmations. I am actually using three of the SAVERS because these are my affirmations I’m reading. But in my affirmations, which remember, are just reminders at their core level, they are reminders of what’s important to you. In my affirmations, I’m reminding myself to use emotional optimization meditation, which if you’re not familiar, I’ve shared that before on the podcast, but it’s basically where you just ask yourself, what’s the optimal emotional state for me to be in right now? Right now could be at this time in my life, it could be today, it could be this morning, it could be this moment. But what’s the ideal emotional state that I need to be in? And then you get in that state and then you set your timer and you meditate for five minutes or ten minutes or a minute or however long you want, right? And essentially, you’re programming your nervous system to be able to experience that emotional state more easily and automatically.

So, for me, I’m affirming that I want to get in that state of being that husband for my wife and then also use visualization where I see myself engaging with her in the way that she has expressed she would like me to engage with her, right? So, in the morning, I can see myself coming up behind her in the kitchen and kissing her on the neck and giving her a hug or going in the bedroom and massaging her feet in the morning, which I do sometimes, or whatever showing up in a way. The point of visualization, the way that I use visualization is to see myself behaving optimally in any aspect of my life and then creating the emotional experience that will compel me to behave that way. So, while I’m visualizing I’m seeing myself and I’m feeling a compelling emotional experience that will move me to do the thing that I’m visualizing when it’s time to do it. So, again, a couple of bonus lessons here around meditation and visualization and integrating those into your affirmations.

And this is the last thing, I’ll share my affirmations, and then we’ll move forward into a couple of the things I wanted to share on this idea of optimizing your relationships, particularly with your significant other. The next thing in my affirmations is take my own advice that I gave to blank, and I’m going to keep this person’s name confidential, but a friend recently contacted me, and he said he was really struggling in his marriage, and so, I gave him some advice. And I realized that often, when I give advice to others, it’s advice that I need. Like, it’s easy to tell other people, give advice and share, here’s what you should do. And then I always realize when I go back and read my social media posts or my emails or listen to my podcast or read my own books, I’m like, oh, this is for– like I give it to somebody else and I almost like release it versus internalizing, like, no, no, remember, you still need to do this, you still need to live this.

So, anyway, I have a reminder in my affirmations to take my own advice that I gave to a friend. And he had texted me this, he said, “Hey, I thought a lot about what you said during our conversation the other day: What if my wife is exactly who I needed to become who I need to become? Very helpful. Thank you, Hal.” So, that was my advice. When you’re experiencing, like if you have aspects of your marriage or your relationship, and you can apply this for life, in general, but let’s stick with the theme here, and you’re challenged if your patience is challenged by your significant other. What other aspects can I talk about being challenged? Any way that you’re challenging, again, your patience is challenged, if you feel that the other person is not meeting your needs, which means that you have an opportunity to become more effective at communicating your needs.

So, what my friend texted me, what if my wife is exactly who I need to become? So, consider that your partner, if you’re feeling challenged, it’s an opportunity for you to grow. If your partner is doing or saying something, and it’s causing you to get angry, well, might that be an opportunity for you to grow to be able to listen or receive what someone else says, maybe it’s critical about you and internalized or remain at peace? When I say internalize that, I mean, to receive it, to take it in, to assess it, to see if there’s truth in what the other person is saying, and if there is, extract the value from that message to become a better version of yourself, to grow and evolve, or to receive what they say, to hear it, to assess it, and maybe to determine, you know what? If I’m completely, authentically honest with myself about this thing this person said about me, I actually don’t agree with it.

But why do they feel that way? Is there something that I’m doing, maybe unintentionally that is causing my significant other to feel that way, to feel that way about me or feel that way about our relationship or feel that way about themself? How might I grow or evolve as a person? So, consider that your spouse or your significant other or your boss or your brother or sister or mother or father, whoever, your kids, might they be exactly who you need in your life to become the person that you are capable of becoming, to become the best version of yourself? If they frustrate you, you can either blame that on them, they’re so frustrating. Or are you allowing yourself to be frustrated? I always tell my daughter that when she goes, oh, this person’s so annoying. I go, “Are they annoying? Or are you allowing yourself to be annoyed? And what’s the lesson in that?”

So, I want to just leave you with that, that last piece of my affirmation. My affirmations actually, they need to be trimmed down. They are five pages right now. Just my affirmation for my wife, the Enlightened Husband Affirmation is right now five pages. I have to cut this down, way down. And this is the problem with keeping affirmations or the result of keeping affirmations in constant rough drafts and constantly adding to them. But yeah, sorry, I’m looking over my affirmations right now. Oh, here’s another part there. Okay, I’ll share one more, a little bonus, one more. You want one more? Okay, here’s one more part of the affirmations, and there will be multiple lessons in this for you to take away. You can model this. You could literally write this word for word and send this to your significant other. I sent my wife a text a few weeks ago and I took that text message and I copied and pasted it into my affirmations and I wrote a bold heading that says, Hal, every day, start affirming and applying emotional optimization meditation so that I can live fully in alignment with the following text message which I sent to Ursula on 12/25/21. So, this was what? About a month and a half ago.

Here’s what I sent or here’s the text, and this is again, I’m reminding myself of what I sent to her and I’m creating an action step to apply emotional optimization meditation to this text message so I can live fully in alignment with it. Here’s what it says, “Baby, I feel SO in love with you, it’s crazy. I’ve been using my affirmations to affirm how amazing you are as a wife and mother and how blessed I am to have you as my wife. And then I’ve been meditating on that feeling to ingrain it so that it’s how I experience you all the time. Thank you for being patient while I’m still learning how to love you and treat you the way you deserve to be loved and treated. I think I’m finally figuring it out in a way that can be our new normal. You seriously are so amazing, and I am so blessed to have you as my wife. And on a related note, I don’t remember the last time that I felt this attracted to you. I seriously just see you as perfect, exactly how you are. I think you’re so incredibly beautiful and I love every inch of your body. I seriously just love to look at you.” That’s it. That was the text message.

Now, you could imagine how that made her feel. I mean, I can only imagine. I’m not inside her head, but I’d imagine it made her feel pretty good. It was authentic for me, right? It was actually right after my Miracle Morning, right after I did my emotional optimization meditation, which was right after I read my affirmations that were reminding me, focusing on how amazing my wife is, the qualities about her that I love. That text literally sums up this entire episode, right? And the result of it by affirming what it is I love about my wife and what I appreciate about her, what I value about her, all of her amazing qualities. And by affirming how I’m committed to treating her and showing up for her that created this feeling inside of me of incredible love, right? That’s how the text started, baby, I feel so– and so is capitalized. I feel SO in love with you, it’s crazy. You guys, that’s not by accident, that was by intention, that text message that was generated by my Miracle Morning and implementing everything that we talked about in this episode.

And remember, there are tons of things about my significant other, my wife, that annoy me, that bother me, that I wish were different. And when I focus on those things, I’m not going to send her that text message. That’s not even going to enter my mind. I’m going to feel frustrated and I wish this were different and that were different. And that’s how most of us live in our relationships, that’s how most of us are experiencing our relationships. And here’s the difference, it’s very simple. It’s by default or it’s by intention. When it’s by default, naturally, the things that frustrate you, that upset you, the angry you, that annoy you, they naturally rise to the surface because they’re creating these intense emotional states. That’s the default way of approaching your relationships.

The intentional way, it’s clarifying what you love, appreciate, respect, value about another person. And again, you can apply this to everyone in your life. But it’s affirming those things so that you create your reality of that person, you create your perception with intention, not by default, but with intention, and then creating that perception informs how you feel about that person, which then influences how you are compelled to treat that person. You have the ability to optimize your relationship in your life. I’m telling you, commit for the next week to give this a try. Start today. Go and pull out your affirmations and write down two things, real simple. Here’s everything that I appreciate about the other person in my life, everything I admire, everything I value, all of their qualities.

And if you’re going through a rough patch with your significant other and right now, you’ve been fighting a lot, and like there’s nothing about them that I appreciate, I’m so upset with that person, think back to what made you fall in love with them, right? If the current state of your relationship is really challenged, you might have to go back in time. Go back in time and revisit and remember what it is that made you want to commit to that person and write those things down and get back in touch with those qualities that compelled you, in the beginning, to be with this person. And then affirm, once you’ve got the qualities that you appreciate, that you value, that you admire. Once you’ve got that down, affirm how are you committed to treat this person and try to think of, from their perspective, what if they express to you? What have they told you lights them up, makes them feel cherished, makes them feel good? And then read that affirmation every day.

And if you want to really turbocharge this process, apply emotional optimization meditation where when you affirm the things you love and appreciate about your partner, get into that state of love and appreciation for your partner, set your timer for five minutes or ten minutes or an hour, whatever you want to do, and then just meditate on those feelings, picture your partner at their best with a smile on their face looking radiant, and feel, generate those feelings of love and appreciation and attraction. And if you do that every day, you can reprogram your nervous system and your subconscious mind so that you feel compelled to text your partner, I feel so in love with you, it’s crazy. I’ve been using affirmations to affirm how amazing you are as a wife and mother and how blessed I am to have you in my life. And I’ve been meditating on that feeling and ingraining, it’s what how I experience you all the time, right? Like that’s the first part of what I text Ursula.

So, I hope this has been helpful for you. If you listen to this episode and you’re like, I don’t have a significant other right now, that’s okay. You can apply this again to any relationship in your life, any relationship. I’m grateful. Speaking of relationships, I’m so grateful that we have the one that we do. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your life and listening to this podcast. It means more to me than you know, I really mean that. I love you, I appreciate you, and I will talk to you next week. Take care.