[INTRODUCTION]

Hal Elrod: Hello, friends, welcome to the Achieve Your Goals podcast. I’m your host, Hal Elrod, and today, we’re talking about how to love ALL people, capital A, capital L, capital L, how to love ALL people, even your enemies, even people you disagree with, even people who have harmed you? And that one might be tough, but stick with me. This is based on a post I put up on Instagram. It’s based on the comments, over 300 comments that I went back and forth responding to as many people as I could because some people were really upset by a post I put up and that post began, it was actually a screenshot of something that someone else said. It began with the words, “I will never let who someone votes for get in the way of my love for them.” And it triggered a lot of people and upset them. And at first, I didn’t understand why.

And then again, I engaged with 300 comments, read every single one of them, and responded to as many as I could. And I begin to understand why. And what I realized is that it’s almost like we were speaking two different languages in the way that I personally view unconditional love, and that no matter how someone treats me, it doesn’t change that I love all people, that I view them with empathy, that I try to understand where they’re coming from. In fact, the meaner someone is, the more I go, wow, what inside of them, what in their life, how have they been hurt so much that they would project that level of harm onto another person? And it doesn’t change the lens, though, of love.

So, anyway, please listen to the entire episode. In the beginning, the first five or so minutes that– once we get started after the sponsors, the first five or so minutes, it was reading notes that I prepared for the episode. But then I riffed for the next 20, 25 minutes. And I feel like that’s where God speaks through me. Like that’s where the best part of the podcast comes from. In fact, I don’t know if you know this, but when I give a speech, I speak all over the world and I speak in front of audiences of dozens to thousands of people. And I don’t script any of my speeches anymore. I haven’t done that for probably 10 years. All I do is I pray. Before the speech, I pray, I say, “God, please fill me with the words and the energy and the love and the humor and the enthusiasm that the people in this room need from me to help them as best as I possibly can.”

And I get quiet. And then when I go on stage, whatever comes out, it’s usually, I mean, a lot of it is stuff I’ve talked about before, but a lot of it and you’re going to find this for the majority of the episode today, the second, the last 20 minutes of it or 30 minutes or whatever it turned out to be is just coming through me, right? It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t prepared. And you’ll hear some fun stories and hopefully, some real-life applicable perspectives and paradigms that can enrich your life. That is my objective with today’s episode.

Before we dive in, I want to take just a minute or two to thank our sponsors. Today’s podcast is brought to you first and foremost by the Miracle Morning app, and I’m just going to read to you one of the reviews in the App Store.  There are 3,700 reviews, 4.9 out of 5 stars. That’s in the Apple App Store. It’s also available in the Google Play store. But here’s what SunnySoulful, that’s her username in the App Store, SunnySoulful, this is what she said, “This app is a MUST HAVE. Along with your basic calendar, calculator, clock, etc., this app is a MUST HAVE,” and when I emphasize that, it’s because it’s an all caps, “MUST HAVE for productivity and happiness. It keeps me on track mentally with my affirmations, emotionally with the journal, physically, with the exercise, and spiritually with the meditation/silence/visualization part. No other app I know does this. Ever since reading the Miracle Morning book, I’ve been doing the SAVERS, and now with this app, I can track my progress and see which areas of my life need improvement. When I see that I haven’t accomplished my most important thing several days in a row, I know it’s time to reprioritize. Anyways, I could go on and on. I recommend this app and the book that inspired this routine to everyone.”

So, head over to the App Store or the Google Play store and get the Miracle Morning app. You can do a seven-day free trial of the premium plus membership, which, by the way, the subscription it is anyone– well, I don’t want to give you the secrets. I keep thinking the new features that are being rolled out, like I can’t announce those until they’re ready. So, just trust me, there’s a lot more exciting stuff coming for the Miracle Morning app. So, check that out. If you don’t have the app or you don’t have the premium subscription, do the seven-day trial and try it out.

And then last but not least, I want to thank our sponsor, Organifi who brings the highest quality organic whole food supplements in powder form. You can take a scoop into a drink of water or plant juice or your smoothie. I use the Protein Powder every day. Today, before my workout, I use their Focus supplement, which helps me with my work and my workout, and I use their Red Juice, which increases your vascular pump so you have more blood flowing to your muscles. You have more energy, more strength and stamina. If you want to improve your health, your strength, your stamina, head over to Organifi.com/Hal and use the discount code Hal, H-A-L, for 20% off your order as a listener of the Achieve Your Goals podcast and a member of the Miracle Morning Community.

All right, goal achievers, friends, family, loved ones, let’s talk about it. How do you love? How can we love every one? How can we love all people? I love you. Enjoy this episode.

[INTERVIEW]

Hal Elrod: So, a few days ago, I put up a post on Instagram of a screenshot of something that my friend Mark Groves wrote. Now, in full transparency, I was actually striving to– I wanted to share a text message that my 15-year-old daughter had written the day before. And actually, I mentioned this last week, but I’m in a text thread with my family, my relatives, my in-laws, cousins and brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and mom and dad and grandparents, all sorts of folks in this text thread. And my 15-year-old daughter happens to be in that thread. It didn’t even occur to me as the thread kind of turned into this intense political discussion and people going back and forth and after a lot of back and forth and I kind of started tuning it out, I’m like, yeah, I don’t even want to be involved in this energy right now.

My 15-year-old daughter chimed in, and this is exactly what she wrote. She wrote, “Hey, y’all, I just wanted to add my two cents and say I love you all. No matter your beliefs or opinions, you’re all my wonderful family members. And at the end of the day, we have to stick together and love each other. Regardless of our political, religious beliefs, etc., I love you all so much and cannot wait for you to come visit. Let’s remember that just because America is super divided right now does not mean that we as a family have to be.” And I’ll tell you, it was a proud dad moment. Like, wow, all the values that I’m striving to instill in my daughter or they’re landing, right? So, that was really a powerful moment for me as a father.

But I wanted to share that message and I needed an image. And this message from Mark Groves, it began with, “I will never let who someone votes for get in the way of my love for them.” And just immediately, I read that, I thought that this is a perfect image for what my daughter wrote. However, I don’t know if you’ve seen this message, if you follow me on Instagram, but it’s got over 300 comments. It’s been a lot of roughly 95% positive response. But there were some people who were understandably very upset by it. And let me explain why, as Mark’s message that I screenshotted it went on. And again, this is all, so you can see it as soon as you’re scrolling Instagram and you don’t need to read my caption. My caption was very long and detailed, but a lot of people just commented based on what they saw in the screenshot.

And as it went on, it became a little bit more, I guess you might say harsh or even judgmental. So Mark went on to say, “If you have canceled friends or family because they voted differently than you, you’ve been captured by the machine. All of their propaganda has worked on you. As soon as you opt out, you’re free. That doesn’t mean you can’t vote. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a desired candidate. It just means you should never place your well-being, happiness, and the health of your relationships on any political outcome.” Now, again, that posted over 300 comments because so many people were upset and I spent hours responding to as many of the comments as I could, particularly to the people that were upset, in which you could argue that may not have been the best use of my time. But what people who follow me think and feel like that matters to me. I’m trying to do a better job of really engaging in the comments with people on social media. Again, I can argue for or against, well, that’s a smart idea.

But while the post had roughly 95% positive, the people that were upset, to me, it was understandable. Realizing through the comments, reading through the comments, I generally agree with the sentiments that Mark said, but I can also understand that there are complexities as to why someone might end a relationship with a friend or family member. And again, I got to learn a lot reading through the comments and the nuances of, hey, I have friends or relatives that mistreated me, that were horrible to me because of how I voted, so I unfriended them. It’s like, hey, yes, you should protect yourself and set those boundaries. So, I completely agree with that.

So, here’s what I want to do in today’s episode is I want to– I’m going to share why every single comment that I replied to and people said, “No, I don’t love these people anymore. I can’t love people who voted for Donald Trump,” for example. Of course, I can’t vote for or love people who treated me this way. I want to share or I want to explain what I believe about love and loving people unconditionally in hopes that these perspectives might be of value to you. Okay? And that’s where I’m like, we’re speaking two different languages in a lot of these discussions in the comments.

So, personally, I believe that unconditional love is the most effective lens. It’s the foundational lens through which to experience every moment of life and to experience and view all people. And nothing anyone does or doesn’t do will change that lens for me. Now, that includes people I disagree with, even people who mistreat me, even people that have harmed me. So, for example, when I was 20, a drunk driver hit my car head on and nearly ended my life. And when I woke from a coma and was told I would never walk again and I had to understand, okay, this 31-year-old man, a father of a small child and had a wife, almost took my life. However, I immediately forgave him. I had zero ill will toward the drunk driver. Again, he had a wife and a child, and I felt love and empathy for his family. And I imagined, okay, well, he didn’t try to hurt me. He drank alcohol. He made a bad decision. Why would I have any ill will toward someone who made a bad choice, right?

Part of love is forgiveness, is empathy, is compassion. And so, I asked the judge when I went to court, I don’t know, a couple of months after I got out of the hospital. I asked the judge to lower his sentence from three years in prison to six months in prison because I thought that he needed time. It would be valuable probably, from my perspective, to have time to reflect on his choices and feel the pain of having some separation from his family and from his normal life. But I wanted it to be a proactive sentence, so I asked that the other two and half years be dedicated to community service, and specifically, him speaking to high school students about his experience, sharing his story, I thought he could do some good. So, even though this person harmed me, I had love and empathy for him and his plight and his family.

Similarly, my first publisher, and this is a story that I don’t talk about very much, but my first publisher and I worked together for a year to publish my first book, Taking Life Head On!, and a very small publisher like a ma and pa-type publisher. And during that year, we worked really closely together. I really like the guy and his wife, and we developed a strong relationship and I trusted him. Well, then I worked really, really hard to create a book launch for my– again, nobody knew who I was. I was an unknown author. But the book, through all these guerilla marketing efforts, if you will, it reached number six out of every book on Amazon. It blew my mind.

And all of a sudden, he stopped returning my phone calls within about a week after the book hit number six on Amazon, didn’t return my emails, couldn’t get a hold of him. And long story short, eventually, some of the other authors that he published hired a private investigator and they went in his office and his home were completely empty. He fled the state, the country, I’m not exactly sure, but he stole 100% of my book royalties and was never to be heard from again, right? He deceived me, yet I viewed him with love and empathy. I considered that whatever he must have been going through in his life that caused him to, not only steal my money, but to abandon all of his clients, it must have been pretty bad. So, again, this is that lens of unconditional love and empathy and forgiveness.

So, in both of these instances, right, the car accident, the drunk driver, and the publisher, these people harm me, but it doesn’t change that I view them with love, and it never will, which includes, again, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. These are all components, I feel like, of what it means to love unconditionally. Now, and then I’ll probably say this more than once, but everything I’m sharing right now, just I’m encouraging you to listen with an open mind and an open heart and try this on, like, are there people in your life that you have judged harshly? And let me ask you, did you suffer like you, when you hold hate in your heart toward another person, right, that’s something you’re holding that’s impacting your mental and emotional well-being and then maybe your physical well-being as well? And so, again, consider this. Just keep listening and keep, maybe some of this will resonate with you, maybe some of it won’t, but hopefully by the end, you’ll have some new perspectives that you can adopt in your life that can make a difference for you.

Now, let me share one of the most fundamental paradigms that enable this perspective on love, and this perspective on love stems from a fundamental belief that if I were any other person, if I were the drunk driver, if I were my publisher, if I were– you name a person that maybe has done things that you view as wrong, you would never do those things, right? Just imagine, and you would take a murderer, right? I would never do that. And we immediately judge and condemn other people that don’t share our beliefs, do we not? We immediately judge and condemn other people that do not share our beliefs or do things that we believe are wrong. We would never do that or that society believes are wrong.

And I’m not saying they’re wrong or right, but here’s my point. This perspective on love stems from the belief that if I were any other person, if I were in their shoes, if I had their brain, if I had been raised by their parents, if I had lived their life and endured what they’ve suffered from, I might be and do exactly the same as them, right? For example, if you grow up in a gang and you were beaten your entire life and you knew nothing other than to steal and to hurt others to survive, if that’s all, you knew. Would it be unreasonable to think that’s how you’re going to continue to live? And if someone met you, they would judge you, right? They might say, “I would never love that person. They are a bad person. They are an evil person.” Well, are they an evil person or are they a good person, inherently worthy of love who was raised in an environment of evil? And that’s all they know. They act based on their reality that was forged over their lifetime.

I’m not condoning harming other people. I’m not condoning evil. I’m not saying it’s right. Of course not. I’m saying that I can love all people, even criminals, even those that would hurt me. And by the way, I know this is easier said than done. In fact, I was engaging in the comments with someone today, and they were saying, yes, I believe this, but it’s so hard. They said, there’s someone in my life who has hurt so many people that I love or hurt people that I love. And they feel no remorse. And she said, “I can’t bring myself to love that person.” And I said, “I don’t blame you.” If someone harmed my children, it would probably be, I don’t know, I can only imagine it. But until you’re in someone else’s shoes in that way where you’ve been hurt so bad or someone’s mistreated or hurt you or hurt your loved one so bad, I don’t know how I would love that person. I don’t know, if I’d be able to even live in alignment with what I’m talking about right now.

But I do know, and that’s why I want to share some real-life examples. This isn’t just some hoity toity pie in the sky idea of we should love everyone. It’s like, no, hey, this drunk driver almost killed me, broke 11 of my bones, gave me permanent brain damage, and while I was just out of a coma, being told I would never walk again, I had no ill will toward the man because of this place of love and empathy. And I feel like I was born with this. I don’t know that I developed it. Maybe I did from my parents. I’m not exactly sure. I’ve tried to think back to like, where did that mindset stem? Because I was only 20 when I was in the car accident. Like, I was relatively young. I hadn’t read like– I wasn’t well read, like I hadn’t learned this philosophy. So, I don’t exactly know where it came from. Maybe in another life, I don’t know.

But my point is, yes, maybe this is easier said than done and maybe you can apply it 90% of the time, right? Maybe you can apply it to the people in your life that you love. Like your spouse and they do something to you. How could they do that? And you realize that, go back to that paradigm, that fundamental paradigm, we can call it in-their-shoes paradigm, right? If I were in their shoes, if I had their brain. thought the way they thought, had lived the life they lived, endured the trauma they endured, not justifying their trauma, not saying it’s right, not saying their behavior is right, not condoning bad behavior, no, but saying I could actually from, in my own heart, I could love that person, understanding that they’re doing the best they can with who they are. Who did I– oh, oh, I don’t have my journal with me. All right, I got memory here.

So, last night, I could not sleep, man. I had download just coming through me and I kept getting out of bed and journaling in the other room so I didn’t wake my wife up. And one of the things I came up with is I realized that one of my friends is– well, what I wrote down is he’s an arrogant A-hole, okay? But I spelled out the word ass or he’s an arrogant asshole. And this was just this realization I had, this clarity. This is someone I’ve known for 20-plus years, and I’ve had some people in my life tell me this about him, but part of the double-edged sword of looking, for me, I always look for the best in everyone, and it’s to a fault because I don’t see, like I’m blinded, I’m blindsided, I don’t see the negative because I’m trying to view everyone with love, right? So, this isn’t a perfect philosophy or perfect way of doing life because you can get stabbed in the back or other people in my life have warned me like, “Dude, stay away from this person or that person.” And I’d be like, “No, I see the beauty in that person,” right? Like, I see why they are worthy of love and they’re just doing the best that they can. Yeah, but they’re an arrogant jerk, like they’re mean to people in your life that you care about. And I would defend this one particular person that I’m thinking about. Now, I’m going, man, how am I going– I need to resolve this. Like, I mean, I can’t go back in time, but being aware.

And then, by the way, I went down the path of okay, yes, they are an arrogant A-hole, but then I thought about, okay, if I had lived their life, and then I started to think about their life and the way that they were raised and how hard their parents were on them, how nothing they ever did was good enough for their mom and dad and how they are striving right to this day. And then I thought, well, even like in spite of who this person is, he really– I can argue he’s doing the best he can, like he’s trying. Really, he knows he has some trauma and he knows that he struggles to treat other people with kindness and respect and decency all the time. But it’s like, it’s not on purpose. Like, think about that. That’s interesting. Like, if you talk to me, I don’t ever mistreat anyone on purpose. He’s like, but I know I can be an ass, like, but I’m not trying to. It’s like, it’s who I am. It’s how I was raised. My dad was an ass and like, it’s programmed to my subconscious. I respond to other people and treat other people the way my dad treated other people for my entire life, right?

So, this brings about empathy. I’m like, oh, yeah, if I were raised by his dad, I’d be exactly the same. Does that mean I’m not worthy of love? I don’t think so. And so, this was like a real-life example as I was thinking about recording this episode and I almost forgot this, it didn’t make it into my notes here, but last night and I’m like, wow, I’m literally realizing that this person has been a jerk to people in my life who I care about. And then I went through the whole process. I’m inviting you to go through now, which is I want you to take people in your life, either that you know well or it could be someone that you dislike from afar. It could be Donald Trump. It could be anybody. It could be someone that you think you judged them, you condemn them, they are a horrible person.

And I’m inviting you, as hard as this might be, it might make you like twinge and like, I can’t, imagine this person being anything but horrible because they’re horrible. I’m inviting you to view them through the lens of love, empathy, understanding, forgiveness, which all to me is encapsulated in the word love. And I want you to do it with this question. If you had lived their life, if you were them, if you were them, if you had lived their life, been raised exactly as they were raised, exposed to all of the same negative literacy, the negative influences, negative examples, like my friend who his dad treated people like a jerk, and that’s how he learned to treat people and that was embedded in his subconscious mind. It’s part of who he is. And every day he strives to be a better person than his dad. He strives to rise above his inborn or not even inborn, but what is it, nature versus nurture, the way of treating others that was nurtured through him for his entire life, he strives to be a better person, but he struggles at it. He really struggles at it. But I still love him.

And again, it’s important understand that boundaries are crucial, right? This doesn’t mean that, okay, so if someone mistreats me, I’m just supposed to let them because I love them. Let them walk all over me. Let them hurt me. No. No, discernment is crucial, right? Discernment, boundaries, these are imperative. But this is really an inside-out job. Like, loving and forgiving all people doesn’t solve all of your problems, but it solves a lot of your internal problems. Your mental and emotional well-being absolutely is improved when you’re in a state of love than in a state of hate, in a state of forgiveness versus a state of condemnation, right? And it’s a way of viewing all people to where, yes, keep some at arm’s length, but even that is an act of love for yourself. And you can experience all people without this hate and resentment.

Let me give you one other really simple example. I remember a friend of mine. So, I was playing basketball with a high school buddy. This was a couple of years after high school. And one of my colleagues called me. He’s like, “Hey, Hal, where are you?” I said, “We’re down at the basketball court.” So, I was probably 20 years old, maybe 21. And the guy came down. So, my friend that I went to high school with that I was playing basketball with, he didn’t know this colleague that I worked with. And my colleague showed up and he goes, “Hey, what’s going on, guys?” And he basically went on this 10-minute rant about himself and how awesome he was, right? Like, the first time he’s meeting my high school buddy, and my colleague is just like, “Hey, dude. So, I did this and this and this, and it was so awesome and I’m awesome. And you’re right.” And he just went on and on. And he’s like, “All right, guys, got to go by,” and he took off. And my high school buddy goes, “Hal, hey, man, I don’t mean to be rude, but do you actually like that guy?” And I said, “Yeah, why?” And he’s like, “Oh, man, he just seems like he’s all about himself. He didn’t even ask a single question about you or about me. He just came and talked about himself and how great he was and then he left.” And he goes, “I just was curious if you like him.” I said, “Yeah, the way that I look at it, the way that I look at him is he just wants to feel loved and acknowledged and appreciated. And he’s probably a pretty insecure person. I don’t know that. That’s not a final judgment.” But that would be my guess is that he’s insecure and he really wants to feel recognized and appreciated.

And so, rather than when someone talks about themselves and you go, you’re so arrogant, you’re so conceited, why not go, hey, great job, congratulations. That’s great. I’m so happy to hear that. And let me pause, everyone. I want you to catch this. Like, that is the difference between viewing everyone through the lens of unconditional love and empathy and compassion and understanding is that even the guy that comes up or the gal that comes up and all they do is talk about themselves and then they head out, and I’ll give you another example in a second, but you can go, yeah, hey, like I don’t have to rob them of the acknowledgment that they’re so hungry for. I can see through that lens of empathy that, hey, the reason they’re talking about themselves as they probably are– it could be childhood. There’s no point in digging too deep into why, other than they want to feel acknowledged and important and appreciated. And is that not one of the most fundamental human needs? And some people are better at going about it than others, right? They go about it in a way that’s more attractive to other humans, where they’re more humble, but some are, like, they’re full of themselves and that they’re talking about themselves. They don’t know a better way.

But I’m not going to– either way, whatever your approach as a human is to feel loved, whether you’re arrogant or you’re humble doesn’t change how I view you and how I’m going to treat you and how I’m going to acknowledge you and make you feel loved. So, hold on, I have a couple of more notes that I want to share. I’ll say this. Personally, I strive to love people like the way that I’m talking about loving people unconditionally. Like, this is the way that I imagine that God loves us. I believe, like that actually, I’ll tell you, a friend of mine who has very recently been studying, just like getting closer with God through prayer and meditation and reading and going to church. And he said he had a breakthrough. I don’t know if it was from a friend or I don’t know where it came from, but he said he had a breakthrough in his marriage and it was that he decided he was going to start seeing his wife, who he had been judging for how she had been showing up in their marriage. He decided he was going to start seeing her through God’s eyes.

And this was probably a couple of months ago. And he and I talk multiple times a week. And he said it has completely transformed his marriage by transforming how he views his wife and how he experiences his wife. He realizes that her making a mess and not cleaning it up or not being thoughtful or whatever, yelling at the kids or whatever, that that wouldn’t change how God sees her and loves her. And so, he is striving to love her in that way with empathy and compassion and forgiveness unconditionally. And it’s transformed his marriage from the inside out, meaning it’s transformed how he views his wife and how he experiences his wife. And thus, it transforms how he feels about her and how he treats her. It transforms his marriage.

That’s one of my focuses, for me, is to love my wife the way that God loves her, the way she deserves to be loved. And again, I think that we should view and love all people that way. And I certainly don’t believe, going back to the original post, which was about loving people despite who they voted for, I don’t believe that God only loves people who vote for a certain candidate. I mean, do you? I don’t know.

And again, all of this is to say, easier said than done. If you’re listening, like this is not about 100% perfection. Very few things in life are. This is about you experiencing more love in your life for other people and understanding that getting to that place of where you actually feel love toward them, it starts often with empathy and it starts with forgiveness and it starts with the in-their-shoes question where you ask yourself, if I had lived their life, been raised by their parents, had their brain, and some of you were thinking, well, they’re my siblings, so we were raised by the same parents. Great. Leave that one out. If you had their brain, had lived their life, endured their trauma that they’ve suffered from, might you be the same and do the same. And if you think no, you can’t know that. If you’re like, “No, I wouldn’t,” you can’t know that. You cannot know that if you had another person’s brain that you wouldn’t think like them. In fact, odds are, you probably would.

So, the last thing, I don’t mean, again, I don’t condone harming others. If someone is hurting you, if they’re mistreating you, you can love them, you can forgive them for your own sake while you unfriend them or while you create space or distance and keep yourself, keep them at arm’s length, right? So, I don’t condone harming others. I just believe that love, unconditional love is the most effective lens through which to experience all people, and nothing they can do or not do will change that lens for me.

But look, that’s just my perspective, and I am not saying it is any more right or wrong than yours. So, do you have thoughts on this matter? Join me over on Instagram where I am engaging so much more. Leave a comment. I will try to reply to your comment and all comments if I possibly can, and whether or not you disagree or agree with today’s podcast and this message, I love you either way. Thanks for listening. I’ll talk to you next week.

[END]