"We tend to want to form pretty concrete opinions and those opinions then cause us to be defensive because we want to hold on to them. And when we're defensive, we fall out of curiosity, and this is a trap."
Jeremy “Brotha James” Reisig isn’t just one of my favorite people. He is a world-class musician unlike any other, making music to help elevate your consciousness, enhance your mindset, and improve your life. There are very few “conscious” musicians, and Brotha James was the first I’d ever heard.
Jeremy is also a world-class facilitator. He’s the Chief Energy Officer of Fambundance, where he works to elevate the consciousness of the world by elevating the consciousness of the family. He focuses on helping kids aged 8-18 with personal transformation, emotional management, aligning values, and more.
I’ve had Jeremy as our musician in residence at every Best Year Ever [Blueprint] LIVE event I’ve ever held, and we’ve even performed the Miracle Morning Song together onstage. However, this year, Jeremy will be leading a parallel event alongside ours for your children, and we couldn’t be more excited for your whole family to attend.
Today, Jeremy joins the podcast to talk about the importance of staying curious, how to build a business in alignment with your values and the life you want to live, and what we’ll be doing together at this year’s event.
- Why what matters most to Jeremy is always changing – but why health and family are almost always top priorities.
- Why our stances on many issues change over time – and how the opinions we refuse to let go of often hurt us.
- How to stop letting judgement control your life – and why progress matters more than perfection.
- Two questions to help you live in alignment with your values – and how to start making changes to achieve this.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION
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Hal Elrod: I think we’re recording. I think we’re recording. We’re recording. Goal achievers, that’s how I start every podcast, by the way, just in the middle of a laugh with my guest. Yeah. Goal achievers, welcome to the Achieve Your Goals Podcast. This is your host and your friend, Hal Elrod, and today I’m joined by one of my favorite people and I was actually thinking, Jer, his name is Jeremy Reisig, better known as Brotha James. And I was thinking before we started of how I might introduce him and I thought I’m going to say he’s one of my favorite people and then I thought, “You know, but I have a lot of favorite people so does that make it less special?” I was literally questioning that, wrestling with myself like I can probably name 100 people that I would say is one of my favorite people. Does that take away from any one of those people?” And here’s what I came to. Here’s the conclusion and actually, I can see my buddy Jeremy here on the video and he’s smiling and I figured he’d smile at my conclusion, which is, there’s a lot of great people in the world.
Brotha James: We have a lot of great people in the world.
Hal Elrod: There’s a lot of great people in the world and I am very humbled and grateful and blessed to say that I am surrounded by those great like many of those great people so many beautiful, loving, motivated, purposeful human beings. And that’s why you might hear me say that on the podcast that this is one of my favorite people. Today is one of my favorite folks. He is known as Brotha James to the world. And first I’ll tell you what he does and I’ll tell you how I know this guy. He is a world-class musician, unlike any other. Brotha James writes music designed to elevate your consciousness, to enhance your mindset, to improve your life. There aren’t too many musicians and, I mean, really very few and you might call these conscious musicians, right? It’s very small. It’s arguably the smallest segment in all of music. And Brotha James, being a friend of mine for the last 20 years, was the first conscious musician I ever even understood what that was. But think of it this way. If you listen to this podcast, you’re probably a practitioner of the Miracle Morning and if you’re not, what rock are you sleeping under? Go to Amazon, get the book, right?
But one of the practices of The Miracle Morning is affirmations. Affirmations are words written in a way to focus your mind in a way that elevates your consciousness, that enhances your life, all the things I mentioned that Brotha James does. And the reason that it’s one and the same is that’s how he writes his music. Every word that he writes isn’t just designed to be clever and cute and rhyme with the other word before it. That’s not the number one focus like it is for a lot of musicians. It’s the meaning behind the word but not just the meaning behind the word or the string of words but it’s the effect, it’s the impact, it’s what it will do for the listener. So, I don’t go into depth on this but his songs are, for example, probably my favorite song is Grateful. You can go to iTunes, Spotify, where’s the best place to get your music, Jer, and like to go get all of it?
Brotha James: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes.
Hal Elrod: Yeah, anywhere that you listen to music.
Brotha James: Yeah.
Hal Elrod: And also, Brotha James and I did The Miracle Morning song and we actually performed it on stage at our Best Year Ever Blueprint Live Event which is you’ve heard me talk about this the last few weeks and I’ll keep talking about it for the next few months until we are there in person in San Diego on December 13 through 15 that weekend. And Brotha James comes every year and ever since the first year. Brotha James, you were there the first year, right?
Brotha James: Yeah, man. The first year. On the floor.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. On the floor. Yeah. You’re just set up with like, yeah, that was so funny and how we’ve come a long way since then, right?
Brotha James: Yeah. We’ve come a long way since then.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. But if you want to see something funny, which is me rapping on stage, you can’t miss it. That’s worth the price of admission itself but James is our resident musician and he performed songs to elevate the consciousness and the energy of the room, of the attendees, the participants. And then also I can’t move forward without just mentioning that Brotha James is a world-class facilitator. He facilitates events all around the world specifically though, for families. That’s his main focus. He is the – am I right to say CEO of FamBundance?
Brotha James: Well, CEO just means Chief Energy Officer so let’s make sure they actually understand what CEO means.
Hal Elrod: So, there you go, Chief Energy Officer. So, he leads an organization called FamBundance. What was the mission statement of FamBundance, Jer?
Brotha James: To elevate the consciousness of the world by elevating the strength and consciousness of families all across the world.
Hal Elrod: There you go. And I’ve been to the FamBundance events. My kids have been to FamBundance events.
Brotha James: Yes, you have.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. And what they do with kids ages I think 8 to 18 or even younger but for our event, it’s between 8 to 18 but what they do for kids is, basically, it’s kind of like the event that we do for adults, Best Year Ever Blueprint Event in December, but they do it for kids. So, it’s like personal transformation for kids, elevating the kids consciousness, teaching the kids how to manage their emotions, and connect with each other, and what really matters in their world, and aligning their behavior with their values, I mean, a lot of things that most kids don’t ever even consider. And so, this year, we asked, we just started exploring this one so we’re hanging out as friends, me, Brotha James, and Jon Berghoff and we started talking, “Dude, what if we brought FamBundance to Best Year Ever?” Because we’ve had every year attendees of Best Year Ever go, “Hey, we’d love to bring our kids to this.”
So, what we’re doing this year is Brotha James and his team is going to be leading a parallel event. While we’re in the main room for the Best Year Ever Blueprint, Brotha James will be with and it is limited. It’s limited to only 30 kids but, basically, you can now go to Best Year Ever and you don’t have to find a sitter for your kids at home. You bring them to the event with you. They split off in the morning, they come back and have lunch with you. They split off in the afternoon. They have dinner with you. There might be an evening session where you’re having your life-transforming event at Best Year Ever, your experience, they’re having their own, led by Brotha James, who you’re about to get to know once I shut up and stop talking and bring him on the show. So, I’m sure I missed some stuff there but I think from this conversation, Jer, Brotha James, I love you, man. Welcome to the Achieve Your Goals Podcast.
Brotha James: Buddy, you’re the first male to ever tell me that you loved me that wasn’t my dad. So, going back to the beginning of this call, when you said that you love a lot of people and a lot of people are one of your favorites, I think that you just love people so much. And I remember in 2005 you’re on this kind of like kick-off, “I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. I just want you to know I love you. I don’t want to die and not tell you that you’re one of my favorite people or that I don’t want to die and you don’t know how I feel about you.” And just I’ll never forget that, man. So, I still love it when you say I’m one of your faves even if you have 154. And yeah, man, it’s really great to be here and thanks for setting all that up. It’s going to be an amazing event in December, the Best Year Ever Blueprint, the 13th through the 15th is going to be a great time for anyone who attends. I think it’s going to be extra special for the attendees who bring their kids along. I think they’re going to have a magical experience like they’ve never had before.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. No, I completely agree because I’ve seen what you do and what your team does with kids. And by the way, if you’re listening and you don’t know where to get more info on the event and get your tickets, it is BestYearEverLive.com. And if you go to BestYearEverLive.com you can watch the promo video. You can see the preview. I mean, it’s really an incredible event. And we do sell out every year, this year’s tracking to be no different. So, if you’re interested, check that out. Jer, I love that it’s so funny because we’ve been friends for 20 years and I’ve known you as Jeremy but you’ve been Brotha James so long now that it’s like, I don’t know, I call you both but I’m going to go with Jer.
Brotha James: You know, go with whatever you feel like in the moment.
Hal Elrod: I just want to say something. Thank you for acknowledging that I was the first male other than your dad to tell you I love you because that was a really meaningful moment for me. And it was only probably a couple of years ago that you weren’t the one that told me that, and maybe you did a long time ago and I forgot but I don’t think it was you. It was someone else said, “Yeah. Brotha James told me that you were the first male other than his dad that told him that you loved him,” and because of that, like that sparked it. He now tells all of his friends in his life that he loves them. And like that was so meaningful to me to realize that like, wow, A, I didn’t know that just between you and I but you’re such a beacon of light and of love for other people. And so, to know that I like played a little small part in that it was really affirming that, man, we all need to be telling everybody that we love them. And I actually said it recently, I did a podcast on self-love and I ended the podcast by saying now maybe you understand why when I end the show, I tell you I love you, goal achievers, because I really mean that like it’s not just something to say like I mean it in my heart and my soul.
And really, I close my last keynote just totally off the cuff and I said, “You guys, we all have a lot of differences, different religions, different political beliefs, and most of us that create divisiveness between us,” and you think, “Oh, they’re different than me or they don’t believe like, I believe.” I go, “Guys, but the biggest similarity we have is bigger than all our differences combined. We’re part of the human family. Right? We’re part of the human family. Who cares what your last name is? Who cares?” Like, we’re all human beings. We’re sharing this life. We’re sharing this planet together. I know that you’re aligned with that and so I want to ask you a question that I’ve been considering asking my guests now for the last few months, as I’ve been reimagining this podcast, the future of the podcast, the future of my life, my mission, all of these things. There’s a question that I’ve been wanting to ask and you’re the first person ever on this show that I get to ask, so it couldn’t be a better fit, man. And here’s the question.
Brotha James: Yeah.
Hal Elrod: What matters most to you? What matters most to you?
Brotha James: To me? Well, the first answer that comes to mind is it’s always changing. It’s always changing. And when I think about if it’s always changing, what’s always changing? There’s kind of different categories. Sometimes what’s most important is myself, which is natural for a human being. Sometimes what’s most important is my mom or my dad or my brother. Sometimes what’s most important is a partnership that I have with a girlfriend or with a business partner. Sometimes what’s most important is my health. Sometimes what’s most important is do I have enough money or how will I create enough money to go after these huge dreams? Again, going back to the self. So, I think it bounces back and forth between being something outward that matters most and something kind of inward that matters most and it goes in kind of like the seasons.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. So, the sarcastic party wants to go, “Man, what a politician answer that was.”
Brotha James: Yeah. Yeah, I think it’s…
Hal Elrod: But it’s authentic.
Brotha James: Yeah, it’s authentic and I can go a little bit deeper is there’s this amazing breakdown in the book, The ONE Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan, where they talk about the different categories of life. And if you’re on this podcast, you probably know that there’s this thing called the Wheel of Life and then the wheel of life there’s these different categories of relationships, your finances, your spirituality, your contribution, your health, your passion. And in The ONE Thing, they talk about how these categories are not all equal. Several of the categories are like rubber balls that you can kind of bounce and kind of bounce up and down and let them go and grab them, let them go. But certain categories like your health and your relationships are like glass balls. And if you let them go too long, that they actually, I’m sorry, if you let them go, they could break and shatter. And so, those are two categories that ultimately your health and your relationships that I would say matter the most to me is taking care of myself, my health and well-being, and caring for others is really what matters most.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. And I was joking. I was being like…
Brotha James: I know you were. It’s a great question.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. Well, and I love that. And what’s interesting is what you just kind of concluded if you will, right, which is health and relationships, whenever I do that exercise of what matters most and I keep asking the question and ask, “Okay, of all the things that matter most, what matters most of these?” And I keep distilling it down. It always comes down to health is number one because, without it, none of the other stuff that matters gets to be enjoyed or executed or lived. And number two to me is relationships and I usually just write the word family typically but, yeah, I think that when we boil it down like that’s where I always come to is it’s health, number one, and it’s family right there behind it. And it’s really only health so that I can enjoy my life, my family, and all of those things. I appreciate that. And I know that for you, yeah, there are a lot of things that matter. You’re a very conscious individual and we’re having a talk about climate change before the episode recorded and that’s what I’m like, “Dude, we need to record this, right?”
Brotha James: Yeah, totally.
Hal Elrod: It was very much we don’t have it all figured out but we’re working on it. Go ahead.
Brotha James: Yeah. Here’s what’s interesting about climate change and any other hot topic, whether it’s a world topic, or a relational topic, or a business topic, is that we tend to want to form like pretty concrete opinions and those opinions then cause us to be defensive because we want to hold on to our opinions. And when we’re defensive, we kind of fall out of curiosity and this is a trap that I’ve fallen into pretty much my whole life.
Hal Elrod: Yeah, sure.
Brotha James: And I’m just now starting to emerge as a more curious type of human being where I’m forcing myself to not have as strong of opinions and to be more curious because I’ve seen that the opinions that I’ve held on to so strongly, whether it’s around politics, or a certain way of eating or climate change, or how to raise a child, or how to run a business, that the more I hold on to the opinion and I’m like, “No, I’m on this side, I need to defend it,” the less educated I become on what really is going on. And I think this is what we were talking about earlier is the more curious we can become and the more we can kind of put our opinions away, the more information that we can take in and realize that maybe in some cases, there is no real answer and it’s just about staying curious and staying patient and going back to what you said, seeing that we have more things in common as human beings than different.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. Well, and it’s kind of like when I asked you what matters most to you, you said it’s always changing. And so, when it comes to, as you said, maybe there isn’t a black and white answer for a lot of the things and maybe it is somewhere in the middle, like politics, for example, right? Like, yeah, maybe the left doesn’t have it completely right nor does the right have it completely right. Maybe it’s the two be the best of both, right? And what brought up our conversation, and I’ll just share this if you’re listening, just some for you to consider is you and I both are really passionate about what’s best for humanity and the world and really trying to solve those problems and you’re doing it at a level of family going, “Well, hey, if I can strengthen the family unit, that can change the world in a positive way. That can save humanity.” If every family is, right, we all kind of start from family and then the kids grow and they branch off but if they had it right from the beginning, those kids are going to grow up to be really healthy, productive, conscious adults that are going to then have their own kids that become more and more conscious.
So, as society, some argue, has become less conscious over time, you’re really working and I so admire you for that, like your work is aligned with your values from your music to the work in FamBundance. I really admire that and align with you but what I’ve been brought up was, as I said, “You know what, with climate change, I was pretty convinced that climate change is a huge issue for humanity, and that we are causing it.” And then I went, “You know what,” I just had this epiphany. I go, “I’m going to research the opposite.” Most of us try to find, I think, evidence to support our belief, whatever, right? And I go, “I’m going to do the opposite. I’m going to go deep down the rabbit hole of trying to disprove my belief. Instead of googling everything that supports my belief, I’m going to google everything that says, ‘No, climate change isn’t real. It’s a scam. It’s made up. It’s not caused by human,’ like on and on, and on and on.”
And then, by the way, I’m very much in the early stages of starting to go down these rabbit hole and what you find is when you don’t hang on to your belief as the one true belief, and I see this in religion a lot. It’s such a hot topic and it’s like, “No, my religion is right and the other 4,000 religions are wrong. We got it right, my small group, and the rest of the world doesn’t know what we know.” And if you think about it even from common sense standpoint, that should make you scratch your head and go, “Yeah, wait. Why would only one religion get it right when there are 4,000 religions?” Anyway, so I hope that doesn’t offend anybody but that’s a thought. But it’s the idea of what if everything we believe, what if it were wrong? What if it wasn’t quite accurate? And so, I think that in two words you can sum up the solution to that, which is stay curious.
Brotha James: Stay curious. And there’s this great book by a guy you and I both know, Matthew Kelly.
Hal Elrod: Yeah.
Brotha James: He wrote a book called Seven Levels of Intimacy, along with kind of his signature book is the Rhythm Of Life. And in the Seven Levels of Intimacy, he goes through these different levels of intimacy and I think it’s level five. Don’t quote me on that. It could be four or six but he talks about one of the barriers to deep intimacy is opinions and that the kind of practical way to think about our opinions is that if we look at the opinions we had five years ago, and we looked at what we were really defending five years ago, and then we looked at our stance on it now, that in many cases, it’s actually different. And like maybe we’ve changed our mind on what diet is the best diet for us to have. But five years ago, we were like, “No, the Atkins diet, it is the thing.” You know, like we’re consistently changing and it talks about how ultimately the opinions that we hold on to so strongly that we defend, they actually hurt us in the way that we’re able to create deeper, more connected relationships with other human beings.
Because it’s a way of disconnecting from being able to see the strengths and what’s right about the person because we’re just looking at all the things that are negative about them because we have this opinion but now, we’re vilifying the person and trying to make ourselves right, maybe not in that malicious of a way. But that as human beings, one of the greatest gifts we have is connecting with each other, looking each other in the eye, saying I love you, feeling supported, feeling connected as a family or as a community or as friends, and yet opinions are the very thing that gets in the way of us actually accessing that connection at a more frequent level.
Hal Elrod: Yeah. And what do you value more, connection or being right? You know what I mean? And that’s true both in our intimate relationships like with a significant other, spouse, right? What do you value more, being right or being in love, being harmonious, being connected? You know, and that’s true both at that micro-scale of our family unit, and at the macro scale of other political parties or religions or whatever. And one of my early mentors, Jesse Levine, he taught me always learn something from everything and from everyone.
Brotha James: Yes.
Hal Elrod: And it’s like, yeah, when we hold on to our opinions so tight that, “No, my way is the right way and my religion is the right one, my political party is the right one.” Well, how about there’s value in everything, right? I mean, and like religion as an example, where when I was in my 20s, I decided I grew up Catholic and I decided, “Well, what else is out there?” Nothing wrong with my religion, but I’m just curious. And I go, “Oh, there’s value in Buddhism, there’s value…” like it’s not like everyone if they don’t believe what I believe, then there’s no value. It’s like, well, no. Why not learn? That whole learning something from everything has been valuable. And I want to circle back and go to we’ll circle back while we also go forward, which is I mentioned that I really admire about you and I value about how much you live in alignment with your values at like the umpteenth degree, right? Like we were talking before the podcast, and you go, “I don’t think I want to fly anymore,” because of how much pollution that puts into the planet and you’re a musician that travels the world and does music. So, you’re reconciling what does that look like.
And I’ve had the same exact thought on. So, I want to ask you, what did you have to do to design a life and a business to align with your value of respecting and connecting with the planet? So, just specifically there, and this isn’t, for anybody listening, this isn’t the topic of the show but since that was the topic that we’re on, I’m kind of combining those two topics.
Brotha James: Yeah. It’s a wonderful question and it’s kind of the same answer as what matters most, which is what matters most is ultimately I want to be a good human being. And what does that mean good or bad? I don’t even know anymore. I thought it used to be kind of like this what good human beings do. This is what bad human beings do. So, in a way, how do I align my business with my values and my personal life with my values is I just try and do the best I can to take the information that’s coming towards me and to get enough of it to be able to say, “Oh, wow. I’m going to do this plant-based diet because all this information coming towards me is that there’s so much harm that’s caused by having using animals in some way.” So, I’m like, “Okay. Well, I need to get more information and weigh out how do I want to live?” Because if I’m exchanging dollars every single day for food, then it’s probably a good idea for me to know what are the values that go behind the creation of this food because ultimately, what I’m doing is I’m handing over dollars for something that is not aligned with my values.
And what’s kind of unique about the place that we are now in the world is that that’s a never-ending, always changing, kind of endless goal to align every purchase with something that fits your values because if we did that, we would literally kind of live in the woods and not buy anything.
Hal Elrod: Sure.
Brotha James: And so, another question.
Hal Elrod: I do that, by the way. Yeah. Go ahead.
Brotha James: Yeah. Well, it’s something that I’m really intrigued with is just becoming more connected to the land that I live on and that I love and that I appreciate, as I look out this window at these two trees. So, I think, one, it’s asking a lot of questions and understanding that we as humans consume a lot of stuff throughout any given day or week or a year in our lives and to see like what are we spending that money on? Like, what are we spending the money on? And if I’m spending the money on something that doesn’t align with the values, what am I getting in return that might ultimately make this negative investment a net positive? So, like if I’m going to get on a plane, I have like a mind map or notes on the type of positivity or value that is going to that event or to that relationship that is justifying me getting on the plane. I’m trying to make it so every resource that I use has some sort of way of bringing people together or allowing me to become a more courageous and vulnerable and authentic human being.
I’m trying to align the way that I spend money with the things that seem to be what the world is calling for, which is more local foods, less unneeded travel. These are some of the things that I’m starting to notice about myself, like wow, I can really design a life that aligns with my values. And those are just a handful of the things, the travel and then the food. And food, you can go super deep on because we spent so much money on it.
Hal Elrod: You know, here’s what I hear from you and I really liked how you tied it back into the first question, what matters most to you, and how it’s always changing. What I heard from you that I think people can take away from this is that you’re clear on your values based on your current frame of reference, your current paradigm, your current knowledge, which is based on everything that I know, here’s what I value. I value treating the planet with respect and not just creating excessive trash and excessive smog and all of that, right? And so, what I get is that it’s living in alignment with your values as they are now. And as you learn and grow and evolve, your values learn or your values grow and evolve as well, therefore your actions grow. But the idea is living in alignment with your values. And if you value health and the way you can take this down to a personal level, forget the planet, ladies and gentlemen. If one of your goals that you want to achieve is not to save the planet or whatever, just think about your own life.
Do you value having energy for your family and your work? Then you should be eating foods that give you energy, not those that deplete your energy, right? All living foods, plant-based foods, and I eat small amounts of meat every weekend. But the idea is if you want food that gives you energy, I’ve done a podcast on this before, eating for energy. But if you value energy or if you value health then you should be eating in alignment with that value. If you value relationships, you should be spending time with people that you love, that relationship that you value. So, that’s a very kind of personal. Forget about the global impact you’re actually making. On a personal level, are you living in alignment? And that was probably 15 years ago, I had that concept in my head. I go, “Wait. I want to make sure that I adopt what I call t back then value-based living,” I think, something like that. It was really simple. Just that I live in alignment with my values, that every choice I make, every action I take is in alignment with my values. And very often we’re not aligned with our values. We’re in alignment with our urges.
Brotha James: Yeah, for sure.
Hal Elrod: Right? “Ooh, I want to have sex with this person. Ooh, I want to eat this food. Ooh, that feels good.” In the moment it’s pleasure. It’s our urges or values. And so, I would encourage you to consider. Write that down is it’s a great question with every choice that you’re about to make, whether it’s putting your food in your body or what you’re going to listen to or watch on TV, right? Is this choice in alignment with my values?
Brotha James: And here’s what’s going to happen. You’ll notice that not every choice aligns with it and so then becomes another game of choice, which is how are you going to treat yourself when you notice that you’re doing things that aren’t in alignment with your values. Because if you’re anything like me, who’s an entrepreneur who’s kind of a perfectionist at times, who’s type A, who’s driven, I get hard on myself because I’m not perfect. But perfection is the lowest standard possible. So, if we can look at like, “Oh, wow, I didn’t align with my values there. What can I learn about that?” Like, I don’t know if I’m going to use that information or not but what are the things that I noticed about myself, and why I was triggered to that day desire? And starting to take track of, “Wow. I was pulled to it because I started to feel uncomfortable in my current state, and I wanted something different.” I wanted a state change or, “Wow. I was feeling like I really could feel myself getting angry,” and I actually said something that I regret and one of my values is to be patient and to be loving, and to be compassionate and comforting.
So, now I just said something angry, like, “Am I really that person?” And just the point being that perfection is the lowest standard possible. Hal nor myself nor anyone is perfect at living in true perfect alignment with every choice they make in their values. And one of the big pieces of the human experience is just not walking through life like a zombie but being mindful and building the muscle of awareness that you’re even doing it. Because a lot of times we just do it without even knowing we’re doing it so building that awareness around, “These are my values,” which first you have to find what are your set of values. What do they actually mean to you? It’s one of the things I love about Tony Robbins’ Date With Destiny is the values and the rules portion of it that for every value we have, whether it’s a towards value, something we want to attract, or a value we want to push away like fear, anxiety, judgment, depression. We have towards values, away values but for each one of these values, there’s actually a set of little rules that we have, that we’ve made up in our own minds of how we actually give ourselves the checkmark for actually getting the value. And usually we make the rule much harder than what it is and health is a great example.
If we want to like live in the value of health, there might be a rule that in order for you to achieve health to feel like you actually are healthy is that you’ve got to get your protein shake bottle ready, get your gym bag ready. You know, get out the door, make sure you get to the gym for one hour, make sure you get the cooldown stretch, have the protein shake after and come home. And if you do anything less than that, then you don’t actually give yourself credit for working out even if you did a half an hour run like, “Oh, I just did a half an hour today. I really did meet, you know.” So, the point being that like when we look at our values, what are your values? And what are the rules? Like how do we give ourselves credit for these values? How do we know we’re meeting the values? Like actually describing how to meet the value was incredibly empowering for me because I was making the values harder than they needed to be for me to give myself credit for. They were almost impossible. I had to be perfect. And if I did just a teeny little thing where I was a little bit angry, then I was a bad person.
I felt judgment inside of me, but once I became aware that they existed and didn’t allow them to control me, and made a rule around judgment, the only way I would actually be judgmental is if I called someone by a swear word, raised my voice, and was a total jerk and made a scene. Well, I don’t ever do that. So, if judgmental is the way that I normally would do it is if I think a bad thought about someone, I’m a judgmental a-hole. So, like we have these values and we also have these kinds of hidden rules and I’m just giving you like the two-minute version of what was a full day at Date With Destiny but that seemed to be really helpful and being able to live in more alignment with my values, which was getting clear on the values and understanding more of the rules that I was kind of writing for myself on what it would take for me to meet those values.
Hal Elrod: Got it. Now, that not only makes a lot of sense, but I think it’s applicable for everybody listening. And to your point, you don’t need to beat yourself up and to your point, perfection being the lowest standard, a big help for me is progress over perfection. And if you do feel guilty over not living in alignment with your values, you’ve got two options amongst probably more than two, but you’ve got at least two. One is beat yourself up for that and feel terrible about it and like let it really affect you emotionally or to learn from it and go, “You know what, the fact that I felt guilty about that actually is a sign that I’m going to make the change and I’m grateful that I had that short-lived emotional pain of guilt or tension because that was a signal that I don’t want to make that choice again in the future. And now, was it worth the short term emotional pain for a behavior change that lasts the rest of your life or at least you’re moving toward being closer and closer and closer to impeccable with that? Look, I know…
Brotha James: We’re running out of time, but how can we finish this? We’re going to do a quick thing for BYEB.
Hal Elrod: Yeah.
Brotha James: Right?
Hal Elrod: Yeah. Well, let me ask you this. So, we’re partnering with FamBundance. So, there’s two things. You have two roles at BYEB. So, we’re going to have to in three minutes wrap both these out, right?
Brotha James: Yeah.
Hal Elrod: Number one, you are playing the music that I spoke of when I opened this episode.
Brotha James: In the main room. Yep. It goes like this. It’s just like in the morning after breaks, after lunch, you’re going to get infused at the Best Year Ever Blueprint Event. You’re going to get infused with positive energy through live music, a live band on the stage, bringing uplifting songs, lyrics on the screen, people singing, whether you want to get out and sing or dance.
Hal Elrod: That’s optional.
Brotha James: You can do that. You can also stand in the back and just observe and feel the energy because wherever you are and wherever you’re at, it’s not about rah, rah coming into the event. It’s about that the music is infusing the environment with a positive type of energy that will exist as we move into kind of the programming part of the day of connecting with each other, hearing the wisdom that each of us has to bring to this room, hearing from World Class influencers from stage like Hal, Jon Berghoff, and the other amazing individuals they have lined up. So, one is playing music, Brotha James music for the three days Entrepreneur Day, and also the two days of the event. And then after playing music, if you bring your kid to the event, whether your kid is 8 years old or 18 years old, we’ll take those 8 to 18-year-olds and split them up into three different groups. age-specific, so might be 8 to 11, 12 to 14, and 15 to 18, those three groups get split up and we have three facilitators that are the main facilitators and then co-facilitators.
So, we’ll have four to six facilitators for those 30 kids, helping those kids to not only connect to their own strengths, connect to stories, when they’ve been at their best, to connect to stories when they’ve overcome obstacles or challenges so that they can feel like they’re enough and they have something to bring to the table and something to be proud of. But also, we’ll be mirroring the event that’s happening in the main room. We’ll be taking some of the sequences that Jon and Hal have designed, and then taking them and making them a little bit simpler, simplifying them so that we can hand the younger 8 to 18-year-olds something similar so that they’re getting really similar information, learnings, and insights so that at a lunchtime or after the event’s over the kids and the parents are having a shared experience. And some of the areas that we’ll always squeeze into this programming is health. Kids will be talking about health. They’ll be talking about the power of relationships, and they’ll also be talking about financial ABCs. So, those are the two things. We have one minute left, buddy. We actually did it.
Hal Elrod: Yeah, we did it. Well, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to stay on for a few minutes after I say goodbye to you. I love you, Jer, very much, man.
Brotha James: Oh, dude. Wake up to the full potential. Your Miracle Morning is so essential. In the morning, you’re going to win the day.
Hal Elrod: Okay.
Brotha James: You do the rap.
Hal Elrod: We’re just doing the Miracle Morning rap. So, all right, Jer, I love you, man. Go crush your next podcast. I know you’re leaving one now and I’ll talk to you soon, brother.
Brotha James: Hey, I love you, buddy.
Hal Elrod: All right, buddy. Take care.
Hal Elrod: All right, goal achievers, that was Brotha James aka Jeremy Reisig and we should’ve had more time scheduled to talk I think because I could talk to him for a long time. As you can see, it’s very valuable to have a conversation with Jer, with Brotha James. He’s a very thoughtful individual. He is a very caring individual and he’s a very intentional individual and I’ve said individual three times fast. But he’s one of my best friends and he’s a huge part of the Best Year Ever Blueprint Live experience from year one. Year one he was just kind of starting out as a musician and I think he asked me, “Hey, can I play music at the event?” I’m like, “Sure. I didn’t know what I was doing.” It was my first event 2014 but what we’re going to do at this year’s events is going to be pretty incredible.
And I want to, oh, by the way, a couple of things I want to say on that logistically and then I want to share something of value with you. Not that this isn’t of value, but this experience that Brotha James spoke of if you want to bring your kids, it’s very limited. We only have 30 spots for 30 kids for this first year. And this first year, it’s our first time combining the events and based on meeting space and all that so it’s limited to 30 people. And if you want to bring your kids or you don’t, when you go to BestYearEverLive.com if you grab a ticket to the event, then there will be an option if you want to bring your child to add a child on at the event. So, there’s a cost for that, of course, because we are paying Brotha James and his team to facilitate that whole thing. So, check that out of BestYearEverLive.com.
I just want to kind of recap this episode and I started it out by asking, well, I started it out with a lengthy introduction of Brotha James, as I tend to do, but I really started out the conversation with Brotha James by asking what matters most. And not just what matters most but specifically, it was what matters most to you, asking him that question. And that’s the question I might change things but I want to start asking every guest that and really getting clear on what matters most to them. What matters most in the world to them individually, right? Every answer, I think for each person that they can take it in a different context. And so, I want to leave you with that question. What matters most to you? What matters most to you? Is it your health? Is it your family? And by the way, it’s hard to pick one, right, because there is more than one. And when I say what matters most, don’t pick one. Pick three, right? What are the things that you want to make sure in harmony in your life? Maybe it’s, okay, I want my health to be in harmony with having thriving relationships, with following my dreams, with creating financial security for my family.
So, when I say what matters most, I’m not saying that you have to just pick one but what I am inviting you to consider is that the entire conversation today with Jeremy, with Brotha James, was really centered around living in alignment with your values and that starts with getting clear on what are your values. And another way of answering the question of what your values is answering the question, “Well, what matters most to me?” I value health, I value relationships. And maybe for you, I mean, I’m not telling you what to value. I know I keep saying the same ones over and over but maybe for you, you value adventure like maybe that’s one of your main values is that you literally want to just live a life of adventure and you want to travel and see new things and meet new people and that’s beautiful. So, the idea is getting clear and do this on paper. Pull out a piece of paper right now or pull out your phone and open the notes tab, whatever you got to do, but write down that question, “What matters most to me? What really matters most to me?” And then write those things down and then move them around if you need to.
Like I did this actually the other day with some friends. We white boarded this and they asked me that question. The first thing I said was my family, right? My wife and my kids, that was number one the first answer I gave and then health was I think the second I gave. And then when we talked about it. So, we started out with just listing it out and brainstorming. So, there’s no pressure to get the answers right off the bat. Just write down the things that matter to you. And then once you have a list of things that matter to you, then it’s easier to narrow down, well, what really matters most. Of the things that matter, if I had to prioritize what would they be? And for me, health moved from number two to number one. Because I thought if I don’t value my health, number one, if I’m stressed out trying to put my family first and if it’s causing me excess stress or I don’t have time to nurture my body or whatever, well, then if my health is sacrificed as I learned being on this cancer journey, I don’t get to be here for my family. So, health has to be number one, in my opinion, I think really for all of us.
And of course, once you get your health in order, you can kind of move over to the side. It doesn’t take so much conscious thought. It just becomes like, “Well, yeah, I identified that my health mattered most and then I aligned my choices and my actions with that value.” So now I eat really healthy food. I exercise every day. Like once those things are on autopilot, you don’t have to put a lot of conscious thought or energy into that value except to make sure it’s still running, but you kind of move it to the side and go, “Okay, I’ve got that health piece down. Now, how about relationships? How about my family and/or friends? What do I need to change in my behavior in my schedule, to align that value with the way that I live my life?” And I think you might have heard me say this before that cancer was the wakeup call for me where if you would have asked me before I had cancer, “What do you value most?” I would have said family, no question. And I would have believed it when I said it in my heart and in my soul.
But if you would have said, “Hey, show me your schedule,” you would have found that, well, for someone that values family more than anything, I don’t see him in here a lot. In fact, I see in here where you had him in here, and then you moved him out because you had another project and this thing was due and you seem to put family on the back burner and that your schedule tells a different story than your lips are saying and I went, “Wow, cancer made me realize I was a workaholic and I wasn’t living in alignment with that value,” and right now it is still a juggle, it’s a struggle, but for sure, I’m living more in alignment with that value than I ever have before. But it’s not perfect and I’m working on getting as close to perfect as I can. I find that I’ll start to backslide and then I’ll go, “Wait a minute, I’ve been working this week nonstop and I haven’t seen my kids that much. What am I doing?” and I’ll get myself in check and make some changes. I’ll talk more about that.
I’ve had some major, major breakthroughs recently, through some really challenging mental, emotional, and physical breakdowns. I had some breakdowns recently that have led to some breakthroughs and I’m sure I’ll talk about that in a future podcast episode once I’m more on the other side of that and I’ve got more clarity and more resolution to share with you. But in the meantime, I want to leave you with that exercise. Pull out a piece of paper, pull out your phone unless putting away your phone is on your values. Don’t use your phone. Use a journal or a piece of paper but write down that question, “What matters most to me?” And you might, to really remind you of this episode, “Write down what are my values? What matters most to me, aka what are my values?” And then once you get clear on your values, then the second question is and I didn’t give you this one yet, but it’s, “What do I need to change to live in alignment with my values?” What changes do you need to make to start living not perfectly in alignment with your values but more in alignment with your values?
So, goal achievers, as you know, but I’ll tell you anyway, I love you. I sincerely appreciate you. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Achieve Your Goals Podcast and I would love to see you in San Diego if you’re able to make it to the Best Year Ever Live or Best Year Ever Blueprint Experience. It really is a special once-in-a-lifetime experience. Even if you go every year, every year is a once in a lifetime experience and I’ll be there as well Brotha James, Chip Franks, Jon Berghoff, my whole team, and about 400 to 500 members of the Miracle Morning community and the Achieve Your Goals Podcast listeners. I hope you’re one of them. I love you and I will talk to you next week, everybody. Take care.
"The more curious we can become and the more we can put our opinions away, the more information that we can take in."
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