Episode 259: How to Work Through Your Limiting Beliefs with Kari Romeo

Hal: Kari, it is so great to talk to you.

 

Kari: Well, it’s nice to talk to you too, Hal.

 

Hal: Yeah. Again, right? We know each other so some of my podcasts guest, I mean, shoot, some are like my close friends and then some are I’ve never met before and you and I have spent quite a bit of time together so I had some good conversations. So, in fact, I think I got to know you I think first was Best Year Ever Blueprint at the live event in 2017. Is that right?

 

Kari: It was 2017. I had found your book, The Miracle Morning, in 2016 like in October, November and I recall I read it like two times in the weekend and I thought I need to find out more. So, I went to Best Year Ever Blueprint in November 2016 and I was really excited to meet you and, of course, that was the year that you didn’t come because you were a wee bit preoccupied.

 

Hal: With cancer in case anyone listening isn’t sure why I wasn’t at my own event. Yeah. I was in the hospital.

 

Kari: You were there. You were there on the video which is stunning to think that you sat in the hospital room in live stream. It’s crazy.

 

Hal: Yeah. In that scene…

 

Kari: So, I met you in 2017 at Best Year Ever Blueprint again and so that was really good and then I signed up for Quantum Leap Mastermind and got a chance to spend a little more time with you at our individual retreat so that was great.

 

Hal: I love it. So, you’ve read The Miracle Morning. You practice actually twice in a weekend, you overachiever Kari, you. And then we came to the live event, joined the mastermind so you’re all in. I love it. No wonder we got so much time together. That makes sense. So, you’re an author now which is so excited to talk about your book but many people I think want to know about your Air Force growth. It’s written in your bio and I see that you’ve had many different careers but being in the Air Force, can you tell me about that? What did you do in the Air Force? How did you end up there? What did you learn from that experience? I’d love to hear about it.

 

Kari: Yeah. Sure. So, I joined the Air Force when I’m actually quite old. I was 23 years old when I joined and this was back in the 80s and economics were a little challenging and I couldn’t get a college loan because my father made too much money even though I didn’t live with my dad. And so, I quit getting into school and I was pretty much aimless and heading down a path that was not good, not good at all. And so, I joined the Air Force and I fell in love with it. I just loved the Air Force. It was a family. There was a bonding. It was great and I was enlisted.

 

Hal: Real quick. Sorry to cut you off, Kari. What was the path you were, if you’re open to sharing, but what was the path you were going down? Because I’d love that context of kind of where you were headed and then where you ended up with the Air Force like how that changed things for you?

 

Kari: I was pretty much on the path to nowhere. I was hanging out with a crowd of people who were doing drugs and I started to kind of experiment a little bit in that arena and liked it a little bit too much and I knew if I didn’t get out, it wouldn’t take very long for me to end up as just one of those people who ends up in the street in a sad place. I just know I was heading that way. And I had a terrible self-image, felt awful about myself, and it’s so easy when you are surrounded by people who are in the same boat feeling awful about themselves to just ride that boat right into hell. And we were heading that direction and I knew I had to get out and I couldn’t figure out how to do it. My dad was a military man, my grandparents were military, and I thought, “Okay. I’ll just join the military. I thought I’ll do four years. I’ll see if I can get a degree and then I can come out and get a real job. And then I went in and people showed me the respect and they treated me well. I was part of a group and what I found out is I was also pretty good in the leadership department so I got put in charge with all these people who are struggling through basic training and I was able to help them. I was in my element. I just all of a sudden, I found my footing and I turned around and headed down a different path.

 

So, I stayed in the military. I did end up getting a degree and then I became an officer. I was a logistic officer so I took care of people’s mobility equipment, aircraft parts, uniforms, and toilet paper. I kind of did it all. And I love that. I got the opportunity to go to the Persian Gulf, the first one. That was really interesting. It’s certainly a test of my leadership skills but it was a lot of fun too. So, yeah, my military career was great. I grew by leaps and bounds so it was interesting because The Miracle Morning for me gave me what I didn’t have which was structure to my morning. I’d always gotten up early because of my military background. But it was unstructured and you gave me some structure and the last three years have really been life-changing because of that.

 

Hal: How long were you in the Air Force?

 

Kari: I actually retired from the Air Force but I retired early. I retired at 16 years because there was a drawdown in my career field and so I was offered the opportunity to retire and at the time it was the right choice for myself and my family. So, I still miss it but, yeah, I got out. In 1998, I retired.

 

Hal: In ‘98 and I know that career I would imagine it gave you the opportunity to travel and now you not only written a book, you did some coaching for people. Did your troubles affect how you work with people today? Is there something from – I’ve heard you talk about in the past that your troubles had some sort of impact in how you coach people. Can you talk about that?

 

Kari: Yes. People will tend to fear what they don’t understand and lately the fear people talk about in different cultures in a derogatory manner sometimes and I think if you just knew, if you went to see that there are people just like you with their own issues, with their own joys, with their own what would you call it, cultural norms, and when you’re traveling, you start seeing that people may do something different than you do it, but they’re the same as you. They’re human beings. It does make a difference. I think I’ve learned so much from my travels and seeing the extraordinary love people have for each other in any culture. I think traveling really opens up people’s mind. As a matter fact, I’m actually working on my second book which is going to be titled The World as I See It [inaudible] I’ve seen about my travels and about the culture and about opening your eyes to letting go of the fear of the unknown and instead, embracing the wonder of what might be possible and different.

 

Hal: I love that. What you said about how when you travel and you see different cultures, you see that, “Wow. There are differences.” And I even see that in the US. If you’re like, you know, California is different from New York is different from Texas.

 

Kari: Oh, absolutely.

 

Hal: But I love what you said about we’re all human beings. They’re so much more in common. I just think it’s silly when people find differences then use that as fuel for whether it’s hatred or condemnation, political differences, religious differences, cultural differences, racial differences. It’s like no, no, no, no, we’re all human beings. Who cares? That’s all just like to me it’s petty stuff and we rather than finding differences that separate us, finding the commonalities that unite us and I love it. That’s what I took from what you said.

 

Kari: Yeah. That’s so important. It’s just so important. And you can also learn so many fun things. I mean, just little ways that people cook or the way they might, you know, their life hacks as it were. There’s just so much learning and we are a global society. It’s not the US versus everybody else. You think about silly things like no televisions are made in the United States. They’re made all over the world. So, how can we be so isolated? We can’t. We have to embrace the whole world.

 

Hal: Yeah. Being that this is the Achieve Your Goals Podcast, I think that one, because I’ve heard you talk about this before, and what I’m talking about is I think one of the biggest things that holds us back if not like the primary thing that holds us back is our limiting beliefs and our fears. We all want to accomplish, we have goals, and dreams and visions of what’s possible and if there was nothing to fear, we pursue anything and everything if we knew we can accomplish it but we have a fear of failure, fear of success. There’s all sorts of fears and then the other part of that is the limiting beliefs of like, “Who am I to achieve that or accomplish that?” I think that most of us if we don’t have some sort of evidence, real concrete evidence that, “Hey, that goal if I pursue it, I’m going to achieve it.” So, to me, there’s like two sides of kind of the same coin of fear on one side and then the limiting beliefs that we have of our worthiness, our ability to achieve and experience the things that we want. And I know you are passionate about helping people to let go of their personal fears, let go of their limiting beliefs, and you speak from experience about this. So, what’s your coaching on that? How do you help people overcome limiting beliefs, overcome fears? And I know that’s talked about in your new book.

 

Kari: Yes. This is something I’m truly passionate about. Mostly what I try to help people do is I help them, first of all, become aware of their limiting beliefs. Many people kind of just coast through life doing they’re on a treadmill. They’re on the little hamster wheel trying to get through the work, trying to get through their day. And when they start thinking about their dreams, they frequently just talk themselves out of even trying new things or even asking for a promotion or even asking for a new job or asking a girl or a boy out on a date because they’re afraid. Something in the back of their heads says, “Hey, I’m not worthy. I can’t do this. What if they laugh at me?” So, one of the first things I do is I help people sort of dig deep and figure out what their limiting beliefs are by paying attention to their words, what are the common things that you say, listen to yourself were can’t, couldn’t, I mustn’t, I should, I have to, and slow them down and say, “Okay. Well, let’s just back that up and turn that around to more go words like what might happen? What could happen?”

 

I find that a lot of people they go through a whole what if scenario. What if this goes wrong? What if this makes me look foolish? What if they laugh at me? And I always tell them, “Answer the question. Just answer the question.” What if they do laugh? What happens? “Well, I’ll feel uncomfortable.” Okay. So, you’ll feel uncomfortable but you’ll get past that. And when they break it down like that, all of a sudden, it’s not as scary. And then I say now take that what if and make it positive. What if they don’t laugh at me? What if they listen intently? What if I get the job? What if I get the promotion? Now they’re starting to visualize. Now they’re starting to create that energy that draws in energy that’s like it. It changes the possibility and you can’t be curious and excited and be fearful at the same time. So, that’s part one and part two, I’ll just finish real quick in gratitude. You just got to find gratitude. You say, “Okay. My body is telling me something. This fear is telling me something. What is it? I’m grateful that I am awake enough to listen. I’m grateful I’m awake enough to try to figure it out.” And so, you start hanging out in gratitude and positivity and your opportunities begin to open up for you because you can now see them. You’re not mired in a cloak of dark fear.

 

Hal: That’s so empowering. And it just shows for all of us that you can, well, Wayne Dyer said it really well, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

 

Kari: Absolutely.

 

Hal: And so, it’s like when you look at something, you’re afraid of and you ask, “Well, what if? What’s the worst case scenario?” And you go what if that happened? And you go like, “Could I handle that?” “Well, yeah.” Is the juice worth the squeeze kind of thing? It’s like, “Well, yeah, that’s the worst-case scenario,” but then what’s the best? And I love that. What if it goes well? What if I actually achieve it? What would my life be like then? And then actually you look at the other side and you go and then that like you said it’s exciting. Now, when it comes to limiting beliefs, do you believe that somebody can get rid of a limiting belief altogether or is that the limiting belief is still there but they’re just operating in the face of it despite it anyway, right? I mean, I’ve got this limiting belief that I’m not good enough but I don’t care. I’m going to do it anyway. There’s limiting belief that I can’t accomplish this but I’m going to try it anyway. So, is it limiting belief that’s there and they’re working? They’re just doing things despite it or can they get rid of it altogether?

 

Kari: I don’t think we can ever get rid of any of our fears. I love what Dr. Sean Stephenson said at our last Best Year Ever Blueprint. He said, “Your insecurities will always be with you but how you manage those is really what drives the train.” I believe we have layers upon layers of insecurities, limiting beliefs, and so forth because as children, we tend to pick these up. We assign meaning to events whether it’s right or wrong and then that becomes our sort off misguided navigational map that we used to negotiate life. But as you become more aware of them, then when they creep up again when you’ve surmounted one fear and things are cruising along then you hit another valley and you experience and you can say, “Oh, I’m experiencing a new fear.” Now you can get curious. What’s this all about? What do I need to learn in this moment? So, no, I don’t think limiting beliefs ever go completely away. What I think is your ability to take care of them and to handle them in a more appropriate manner becomes the norm as opposed to the exception. Does that make sense?

 

Hal: It totally makes sense and I really resonated when you said you’re insecure. Well, I guess you were quoting Sean Stephenson saying about your insecurities don’t go away, you just learn how to manage them. I tried to share my insecurities with people all the time. I was being interviewed like an hour ago by Pat Flynn and I was teaching The Miracle Equation and I was all excited about sharing that. I sound very certain because I am but I was like, “Hey, let me pause. Just so you guys know like it’s not like my mind is not this bulletproof mindset. I have fears and insecurities every day that I have to work through and manage.” Now, so to your point as, yeah, as you’re learning how to handle. It’s kind of like fear like I teach my kids is the fear or courage is not the absence of fear. It’s doing the things you’re afraid of even though you’re still afraid and the more you do them, the less afraid you get which like to your point I think the more you act in the face of your limiting beliefs, the smaller they become. They never go away. They’re learning how to manage them and you learn that, “Oh, I have that limiting belief,” and then I did the thing that I was afraid of and then I actually achieved the result that I wanted. Wow. Maybe I’m not so incapable as I thought that I was. And by the way…

 

Kari: Can I share about one thing about this?

 

Hal: Yeah.

 

Kari: It’s important to note that when we’re working on our limiting beliefs, a couple of things. First of all, fear is not a normal part of us and it’s actually there for a purpose. It’s when it’s out of control and out of proportion that it becomes a problem. So, fear keeps us in a place of discernment on how we move forward. So, I just want that put out there because it’s important that we not say I’m going to cross the street and not look both ways because I’m not going to be afraid. You have to have some fear in order to pay attention to life and not get yourself run over. But the second thing is that as you’re working with your limiting beliefs, it’s interesting that the people around you will also have to deal with your limiting belief. When I try to make this sense, when I started writing my book, my family, I just told everybody I was writing a book, “I’m writing a book, I’m writing a book,” and they were like, “Yeah. Okay. Great.” They didn’t put much stock into it because, well, I don’t know that they have the same belief yet that I had something to say that was worth saying.

 

As I began to write it and share parts of it with them, first of all, it’s a deeply personal book as well as one that’s for people so I had to share some of the parts with my family and it was very interesting because it’s sort of not forced. That’s the wrong word but it invited them to look at their own limiting beliefs and we had some interesting times in our house while we were working through my book. So, it wasn’t just me working on my limiting beliefs. It was on also drawing the people in my life to understand and help me overcome the fears as well. We don’t live in a bubble.

 

Hal: No. Yeah, you’re right. Well, I want to talk about the book. So, your book and I just realized I think I have failed to mention the title up until to this point so if you’re on pins and needles like what’s your book, what’s it called? Although I’m sure it’s going to be featured in the email so, yeah, people will see that but it’s called Becoming Beautiful: A Personal Journey Towards Happiness. So, first question I always ask this to authors like was it always a goal for you to write a book?

 

Kari: I have wanted to write a book for many, many years but the book that actually came out is much different than the one I had anticipated writing and I think a lot of authors will tell you that they start writing, especially if it’s something that’s personal and they’ll have an idea, and as you write, it sort of morphed into something different. I truly believe that mine morphed into something more valuable for my mission which is uplifting people and helping them learn to love themselves so that they can find joy in life. So, yeah, it started out as something quite different but I’m really happy with what it turned into. And if I can just put a plug, I’ll tell you what it is.

 

Hal: Yeah. Of course.

 

Kari: Elevator speech for my book.

 

Hal: Please.

 

Kari: My book is Becoming Beautiful: A Personal Journey Towards Happiness is my story of transformation from living a life with a poor self-image fueled by limiting beliefs and fears to creating a life of joy and happiness. And through sharing my story, my journey if you will, with my family and my careers and my marriages, I invite the reader to look at their own limiting beliefs and then I offer them some opportunities to shift their perspective to something more empowering and more joyful. So, that’s really what the intent of my book is.

 

Hal: That’s beautiful and it’s universal. I think that you’re speaking to me when you talk about what the book’s about and what it does for people and I think that you’re probably speaking to 90% of our listeners. Now, so I have a mission statement if you will for The Miracle Morning. It’s to raise the consciousness of humanity one morning at a time or elevate the consciousness of humanity one morning at a time. Do you have a mission or a mission statement if you will for the book? What’s your goal in getting this out to the world?

 

Kari: My goal is to help people identify and eliminate limiting beliefs so that they can live more joyful in all areas of their life. I listen to your podcast the other day about loving yourself and what really was the catalyst to make me move forward on writing this book was it happened five years ago. I was working in a health food store and I was working in a health and beauty section of this health food store and a woman came in, quite an attractive woman actually and she was in her 60s. She just retired and she was complaining about her skin and her hair and as women will do sometimes. And I walk over to a mirror and I said, “I want you to look in the mirror and say, ‘Hello gorgeous,’ to yourself,” and she couldn’t do it. I mean she burst into tears. She literally couldn’t say the words. And I understood that because I used to be exactly the same way. So, I started asking people, I did this for like a year. I just started asking people, “Could you look yourself in the mirror and say, ‘I love you’ or ‘hello gorgeous?’” And I can count on one hand the number of people who said yes, and I’m not exaggerating.

 

Most people say, “Well, I’m okay,” or what have you and I truly believe that when we learn to love ourselves, when we let go of all the negative junk that we cart around, the judgment, the self-judgment, the self-hate, the self-loathing, when we let that go, we light up inside and what happens is that then we can be of so much more valuable service to the world because we’re not focused on ourselves anymore in a negative way. We’re open to shine our light for other people. And so, I think things in our world, making the world a better place, loving it, and to do that you have to let go of fear, you have to let go of your limiting belief, you have to learn how to celebrate…

 

Hal: Kari, you’re getting kind of quiet, kind of muffled.

 

Kari: Sorry. I just say I really believe if we want to be of service to the world truly that we have to let go of our fears, our limiting beliefs. We have to start with loving ourselves and that opens up so many doors.

 

Hal: It’s really true and that was a big lesson for me on my cancer journey which is that as I realize, I read a book called I forgot what it’s called but I read a couple. It’s actually self-love and just realized that that was a huge area of improvement for me and I think you caught that I’m sure the last episode about loving yourself looking in the mirror after I take a shower totally naked saying, “I love you, buddy. You’re doing great. You’re working hard,” like just giving yourself credit for all that you’ve done and all that you’re doing versus beating yourself up for what you haven’t done or what you’re not doing. I mean your faults and your shortcomings. We all have both but your quality of life really hinges on what you’re focused on. Yeah. I love that. Now, this is kind of a quick side tangent. A lot of our listeners want to write books. Is there anything else, and I know you shared a little bit of that journey for you, anything else in terms of how you went about writing a book? Turning it from a dream which I think according to USA Today, 80 plus percent people have in this country or I don’t know, the world, but how do you turn from a dream into a reality? Are there any other tips on that?

 

Kari: A couple things. First of all, the best way to write a book is you’ve got to sit down and start writing. That’s a big one that people don’t do. I actually spend about two or three months. Every day I would sit down and for 30 minutes I’d set a timer, I’d turn on my computer and I hit start when the Word document was opened. And I wrote. I just wrote. There are a variety of other things you can use, Rev. There’s a couple of different ones that you could do, voice recorders and then transcribe.

 

Hal: Just for our listeners, that’s Rev, the app, R-E-V or Rev.com I think.

 

Kari: Right. And it’s $1 a minute. It’s worth it. So, it at least gets something on paper that you can work around and edit. The second thing that helped me write my book was I actually read a book by Brendon Burchard called the Millionaire Messenger.

 

Hal: I love that one. Yeah.

 

Kari: He said every message needs multiple messengers. And that really struck me because most people who want to write a book, the very next thought in their mind is, “Who would listen to what I have to say?” It’s that whole imposter syndrome thing and the fact of the matter is you have a message, Hal, that you want to uplift the world one morning at a time, uplift the consciousness of the world. But mine is very similar. And there are going to be people who listen to you because you resonate with them and there will be people who listen to me because I resonate with them. The message is very, very similar. And so, I say to everybody who wants to write a book, write it. If you’re being called to write a book, get it on paper. Somebody needs to hear what you have to say. And I told somebody the other day, actually I told a women’s impact network here in Coeur d’Alene I was speaking there and I said our purpose isn’t…

 

Hal: Kari, I lost you.

 

Kari: Be truly ourselves. It’s who we are, not what we’re doing.

 

Hal: Kari, you cut out. Yeah. The first part of that cutout. Can you say that again? The full statement.

 

Kari: What I said is that your purpose is not so much to accomplish something. Your purpose is to be who you are in your authentic self and I think when we’re being authentic, that’s when our message gets out to the world. So, writing a book if you’re called to write a book, sit down and do it. There are so many different helping aides out there to be able to do it but somebody needs to hear what you have to say. If you’re being called to write it, write it. Put it in a book.

 

Hal: Yeah. I couldn’t agree more and I believe that everybody has a book in them. I think at the very least you just write it so that like for me as a parent my kids I called the greatest, of course, if you write a book you usually you put your best wisdom in there, your greatest life lessons, and being able to leave that impact on the world or on your family, your children, whatever it is.

 

Kari: So, remember, Mike Koenigs, said – I think that’s how you say his name.

 

Hal: Yeah. He’s a good buddy.

 

Kari: He said everybody has five books in them.

 

Hal: There you go. I love it.

 

Kari: So, yeah, it’s fun stuff. I found writing a book to be really, really cathartic, encouraging, and I’m so proud of it and it’s so much fun. I’m having more fun marketing the book than anything. I really am. People go, “You wrote a book? Really? You wrote a book?” Probably the funnest thing was the day it came on Amazon and I walked into my mother. I take care of my mother who lives with me. She’s infirmed and I walk in and I brought her to the Amazon page that had my book on it. She would, “Oh my gosh. Wow. That’s your book.”

 

Hal: Aww. That’s awesome. What a moment.

 

Kari: Yeah. It was way cool.

 

Hal: That’s great. So, what’s next on your journey? So, you’ve got the book, Becoming Beautiful: A Personal Journey Towards Happiness, and what’s next on your journey?

 

Kari: Well, what I’m working on right now is obviously marketing the book itself because when you’re self-published, nobody’s going to do it for you.

 

Hal: Yeah. Even if you’re traditionally published, just so you know, you have yourself to do it but yeah, go ahead.

 

Kari: Okay. So, I’m putting the book out there. It’s more about putting the message out there than putting the book out there. Unless you’re JK Rowling, you’re not going to get rich writing too many books. Anyway, my goal is put the book out there, put my message out there. I am working on speaking, doing more speaking engagements. I’ve done a few. I did a TEDx talk in Coeur d’Alene. I’ve been speaking to some local organization so I’m kind of working on marketing myself in that way and then I’m writing another book right now. And I have a third one. I have all sorts of mine mapped all over my wall behind me and so, yeah, I’m playing around during that and just having fun.

 

Hal: Good for you. Well, that’s beautiful. You’re following your passion. What you’ve done is you’ve taken your personal fears and your limiting beliefs as you help other people do in this book and you push them aside and you said, “I’m going to do it anyway. I’m going for it.” That is beautiful. So, the book is Becoming Beautiful: A Personal Journey Towards Happiness once again and where can people find it? And where can they find you?

 

Kari: They can find it in a variety of different places. Of course, it’s on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Balboa Press Catalog and I also sell it on my own website, which is ConquerLifeCoaching.com.

 

Hal: ConquerLifeCoaching.com. Okay.

 

Kari: My TED Talk is also on there and I write a blog as well called Thoughts About Life which is also on www.ConquerLifeCoaching.com. And I also have a Facebook community for women who are learning to love themselves called Conquer Life Community, Facebook Conquer Life Community and, yeah, so that’s kind of what I’m doing right now.

 

Hal: Beautiful, Kari. Well, you are a beautiful soul and I sensed that from the first time that we met. You radiate that inner joy that you’ve worked so hard to develop and now are paying forward and through your book becoming beautiful, helping other people to create that for themselves so thank you so much for what you’re doing in the world.

 

Kari: Thank you. Thank you for what you’re doing and for creating that community that’s, boy, you want to write a book? Go join Best Year Ever Blueprint. I guarantee you’ll walk out of there ready to write.

 

Hal: Yeah. We’ve got a lot of people come out of the event and that was their goal that they’ve been putting off and they went to the event and they’re like, “I’m doing it. This is the year. This is the year I’m writing the book.” So, if you’re one of those folks, that’s fantastic. Well, it’s been a pleasure and I appreciate you. And, goal achievers, the one and only Kari Romeo. I hope you enjoyed this conversation. Go grab her book, check it out, go to Amazon. Becoming Beautiful: A Personal Journey Towards Happiness and let me know what you think. I think you’re going to really, if you deal with any personal fears or limiting beliefs which is, oh every one of us, it’s going to be a great read for you. So, goal achievers, I love you and I appreciate you. Kari, I love you and appreciate you.

 

Kari: I love you too, Hal.

 

Hal: Awesome. Well, and I will talk…

 

Kari: Thank you so much.

 

Hal: Yeah. You’re welcome. I’m so glad that we could do this. We’ve been talking about we had to reschedule a couple of times. I’m like, “I’m sorry. I got to reschedule again,” but I’m glad. One of our mentorings you always say, “In God’s perfect timing,” like everything happens in a perfect timing except to wait for it and have faith in it and be patient. So, I think today was perfect so awesome. Well, I look forward to hearing feedback from our listeners on how to enjoy your book and I will see you at the next QLM retreat in Austin next month.

 

Kari: I hope so.

 

Hal: Awesome. All right. Take care, everybody. Bye.

 

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