[INTRODUCTION]

Hal Elrod: Hello, friends, welcome to the Achieve Your Goals podcast. This is your host, Hal Elrod, and today, we’re talking about healing childhood trauma and shame. My guest is Daniela Tilbrook. She is a trauma survivor, coach and author of the brand-new book, Not My Shame: Healing Childhood Trauma. After years of silence, she found the courage to heal, reclaim her voice, and help others do the same. And through her work, she empowers survivors to break free from shame and step into their strength. So, if that resonates with you or someone that you know, share this episode or listen to it now or watch it on YouTube because this episode after I just have the conversation, I can tell you, can be helpful for so many of us who endure childhood trauma and want to break free and step into our strength.

[INTERVIEW]

Hal Elrod: Daniela, it is so good to be with you.

Daniela Tilbrook: Hi, Hal. So lovely to meet you. Yeah, I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time, so this is really awesome for me.

Hal Elrod: So, I’m just going to start. You sent me a letter and it was one of the most heartfelt, compelling letters that I had ever received. And I mentioned that to you a little bit ago and you said, “Well, it was all true.” It’s from the heart, right? And that’s why it came across that way. And you wanted to share your story and be on the podcast. And I was compelled. I was compelled to have you on. So, I’m really looking forward to this conversation.

Daniela Tilbrook: Oh, wow. Oh, thanks, Hal. That means a lot. I really took some time with that letter, and I just wanted to kind of express my gratitude, like for you and the part that you’ve played in my journey. So, yeah, I’m really glad that it landed well and yeah, I mean, how awesome that I’m here as well, so…

Hal Elrod: Yeah, this is it. This is it. You manifested this. You made it happen. But right before we started recording, you said, “Hal, wait, before we start recording, can I share my why with you?” And then after you shared it, I said, “I want you to share your why with everybody.” You have a new book coming out, you can pre-order it now. It’s called, Not My Shame. It’s about your journey, what you went through, which is extraordinary, unlike anything I’ve heard before. And we’re going to talk about that. But let’s start with where you felt compelled to start before we started the actual podcast, which is sharing your why. So, I would love for you to share your why with me again and with our listeners.

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah. I mean, my why is really strong because I spent so many years in shame and that my healing only really began when I was able to tell kind of someone what had happened to me and someone that was external to a mental health professional or someone from my family of origin. And for all those years, it took 17 years from when I actually started to remember what happened to me as a child because I actually blocked it out for 10 years into adulthood. Yeah, so it’s a really long time. So, if I can help anyone to realize that it’s not their shame, I mean, that is my why and that’s why I wrote the book, perhaps the book that I wished that I’d kind of seen when I was sort of deep in the thick of the shame really.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. Yeah, thank you for sharing the why. And I literally was teaching yesterday at an online event and talking about how– I forgot who I was quoting, but that he or she who has a compelling why can bear any how and that you’ve felt you’ve got this purpose that is driving you is really– it’s a beautiful thing and it’s going to help you to help a lot of other people. Let’s just start right there. So, your book, Not My Shame, tells– it’s really a remarkable story and it includes the fact that both of your dads were Catholic priests, right, which that alone got my– I’m like, wait, how does that work? How did– let’s just share your story wherever you think is valuable to start. What compelled you to tell other people you’ve got your why in place, but what’s the story? What’s the experience that you endured, that you overcame, that you healed from that led to the work that you’re doing now?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah, I mean, truth can be stranger than fiction. My biological father was a Catholic priest that left my mom and had nothing to do with us, and my abuser who was my dad, for most of my life, I thought he was my biological father, was also a former Catholic priest. So, that’s been really difficult to kind of, yeah, come to terms with as well, like sort of growing up in a really strict Catholic family and then this is sort of happening within that family. So, yeah, it’s just sort of taken a long time to kind of heal from that as well. So, yeah, that’s the stranger than fiction part of the story.

Hal Elrod: Part of it. So, when you say this was happening, it took a long time for you to reconcile that, what is the this that you’re speaking of?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, I’m talking about childhood sexual abuse that was happening in the home and it’s taken a really long time for me to come out of my own shame and even when writing the book, I thought, oh, maybe I could write the book under like a pen name. But then I thought, like with a title, Not My Shame, it was also the internal journey of getting the confidence to do this. And as you know how books don’t just magically sell themselves. If you want a book to do well, you’ve kind of got to sort of go out and promote it as well. So, it was kind of finding the courage to do that and be so vulnerable with that story.

Hal Elrod: And the abuse was coming from your stepfather, correct?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yes, that’s correct.

Hal Elrod: Okay. Who was a Catholic priest at the time that he was abusing you? Is that right?

Daniela Tilbrook: Oh, no, sorry. So, he had been a former Catholic priest.

Hal Elrod: Okay. Got it.

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah. So, he had left the priesthood and then got together later with my mother.

Hal Elrod: And what age was this happening?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, it started when I was 7 to 17.

Hal Elrod: Seven to– so for 10 years, it went on?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah.

Hal Elrod: Oh, my gosh. And how do you define shame? As someone who’s endured it for so long and blocked it out even or blocked out the memory because of the shame, how would you define shame?

Daniela Tilbrook: I guess it’s that– I don’t know, that sort of being terrified that someone’s going to find out of like what happened to you and that somehow, there’s something wrong with you, and then if anyone knew, that they would think sort of less of me. But it’s such a– I don’t know, it’s such an emotion that kind of really keeps you stuck. And I know that all that time that I was living in the shame, I was just living in survival. I wasn’t really creating anything in my life. It was just surviving.

Hal Elrod: And at the time when you were going through it, why didn’t you tell anybody? Because of all the reasons you just described, you were just afraid that it would be blamed on you.

Daniela Tilbrook: I think also, when it kind of happens within your family, you kind of still want to protect them. They’re also family of origin and rightly or wrongly, you just sort of take on that responsibility of just protecting the whole family because it’s such a difficult, horrible subject and also, it doesn’t help by some of the reactions that people give you when you do disclose to them. There’s lots of like victim blaming and having now worked with a lot of survivors, like my story’s really common, the sense that you don’t get the validation. It’s almost like, oh, no, we don’t want to talk about that. Don’t bring that here, don’t say anything. Oh, just never think about it again. All those kind of responses are just so unhelpful.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. When did it end? At age 17, or I should say, how did it end? Why did it end?

Daniela Tilbrook: I just think I just got too old for it if I’m on it. Yeah, yeah, I just think it just naturally, into my teenage years, I’ve got much better at kind of avoiding him because I’ve kind of built up some skills, but I think it just kind of naturally came to an end. And then soon after that, I went off to university and left the home. And I mean that’s what the really sad thing is sort of looking back and then just sort of spent decades kind of heavy drinking, sort of smoking weed. So, it took me down this path of just addictions.

Hal Elrod: Yeah, yeah. And so, did you feel like a victim? Was that part of your, like, I’m a victim, woe is me, this is being done to me? I’m wondering, how you balance those two of like, this is my fault and you have shame around it and/or I’m a victim, this is wrong, what’s being done to me. Were both of those mindsets entertained at the same time? Or where did victimhood come into play?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, do you mean when I was growing up? Or do you mean later on?

Hal Elrod: Both. Yeah, both.

Daniela Tilbrook: I think when it was happening to me, it was almost that kind of cognitive dissonance where– I think, I must have realized on some level that it was wrong, but almost like you sort of just block it out and I mean, I was also manipulated to kind of not say anything, almost that the family will fall apart if you say anything. And as a child, that’s a lot of responsibility to take on. But Hal, what’s taken a really long time, and this is only like in recent history is to let go of that victimhood because I’ve been a victim of crime and my story did go through the legal. It went through the court system as well, but what was really hard was to leave victimhood. And I finally kind of got to the conclusion that I was only really hurting myself by not letting this go. And all that time, you’re stuck. Again, you’re not really creating anything. You’re just sort of holding onto the past, thinking of the past. As you said, the woe is me story. And I think once I was able to gently start to let that go, I could sort of start to bring my life forward.

Hal Elrod: And when did that happen? That’s just been in the last few years?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yes.

Hal Elrod: Okay. And if you don’t mind sharing how old you are now. So, we have a little bit of timeline.

Daniela Tilbrook: Oh, so I’m 49 now.

Hal Elrod: Okay.

Daniela Tilbrook: So, I’m 50 this year, and I think there was something about turning– so I’m 50 in October, but there was this real determination the last kind of year or so, like– sort of like I can’t take my childhood issues into the next decade of my life. There feels like this real urgency to really kind of alchemize this, do something with this pain, like turn it into the purpose and move on with my life because this has taken decades of my life. There has to be more to life than trauma recovery.

Hal Elrod: What’s the effect been over the last– so it stopped when you were 17, you’re about to be 50, so that’s 32 years and you’ve struggled with childhood trauma for the last 32 years. What’s the struggle? How’s it shown up for you? What’s the struggle been like? And I’m just thinking for my listeners who have endured childhood trauma and for those that haven’t, trying to understand what have those 30 years– how has the abuse from age 7 to 17, how has that shown up for you in the last 30 years of adult life?

Daniela Tilbrook: I mean, because I went into adulthood with really like low self-esteem, low confidence, low assertiveness, I was bullied at work and actually, that’s when I started remembering, I was bullied at work for years, ended up having a mental breakdown in my 20s. So, it’s just had such a profound effect, and then remembering and then it’s kind of what do you do with that, then trying to– although I’d kind of remember, still trying to like block it away and I was diagnosed with complex PTSD and that’s why the book’s actually being released on the 27th of June, which is PTSD Awareness Day. So, it kind of felt like a natural date to release the book, but it has had such a profound effect on my life and, yeah, living that kind of victimhood for decades really, the repetitive thoughts, the past, and also, if I’m honest, there’s a part of me that thinks, oh, it’s been so hard. Why should I bother? Why should I bother trying to make anything of my life because it’s been so unfair? But that doesn’t get you anywhere either. So, it’s kind of…

Hal Elrod: Yeah, that’s the victimhood that we just spoke of, right? Yeah. So, how did the healing begin? What was the catalyst? Was there a defining moment? I know you talk about the power of small steps in healing and transformation, what was the beginning of transformation like, and how did that play out? What did that look like for you?

Daniela Tilbrook: I mean, I did go into formal therapy, like talking therapies. And then I read, this is where you come in, Hal, I’ve read hundreds of self-help books. And in 2019, my brother had read The Miracle Morning and he recommended it to me. And when I read it, what was so good about your book was it was so practical that you could kind of do it straight away. And the next thing, I’m getting up at 5 a.m. I’m sort of meditating, journaling, reading, and that really, really helped because it was so practical and I started to feel like I had a bit more ownership of my own life. And you know I’ve been talking a lot about victimhood. That was kind of a step towards being a creator of my own life. So, yeah, thank you for writing it.

Hal Elrod: You’re welcome. You’re so welcome. You talk in your book about breaking generational cycles. How did you overcome the shame and the silence that had been ingrained in your family? Because you mentioned it wasn’t just you, it was part of the bigger story.

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah. I think realizing that I didn’t have to repeat the patterns. I’ve got two daughters and I’m absolutely determined that they are going to grow up so differently and have the tools because if I haven’t had done all this inner work and you know, it’s not easy, I mean, I’m sure you know, you’ve done a lot of inner work yourself. But it’s so worth it in the end, like keep stepping through that discomfort and reading the books and learning. But I just had to break the pattern because otherwise, I would’ve just unconsciously just– I don’t think I would’ve abused my own children, but I would’ve had all the unconscious stuff that I would’ve just passed down to the next generation. And the way that my family dealt with stuff was just to stick your head in the sand and not talk about difficult things or anything really important. And I wanted to break that pattern as well.

Hal Elrod: How old are your kids?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, they’re 11 and 9.

Hal Elrod: 11 and 9. Boy, girl?

Daniela Tilbrook: Two girls.

Hal Elrod: Two girls, 11 and 9, amazing. Okay? So, you mentioned Miracle Morning was a big catalyst for the transformation, and if I understand correctly, it was you, you felt ownership of your life, right? Ownership of– can you expand on that more? What did that look like? What did that feel like? And to add another question on, after that, like the Miracle Morning, how did that impact you specifically? I want to understand more about that. Actually, let’s just start there and then I’ve got a follow up question on other daily habits or rituals or routines that you do to manage overcoming the trauma.

Daniela Tilbrook: Sorry, Hal, can we just get back to the first question? And what was the first question?

Hal Elrod: Yeah, let’s start with the first one, which is the– so you mentioned that the Miracle Morning was like a big catalyst in your transformation and that it kind of helped you gain ownership over your mindset, your day, your life. I would love to understand that more and maybe, selfishly, as the Miracle Morning author, right, creator, yeah, so specifically, I’d love to understand more how the Miracle Morning helped you.

Daniela Tilbrook: I think because it felt like I was being intentional, so rather than doing that thing where you wake up, check your phone, go straight to work, taking that time, and I found it quite magical actually. And what I found actually the day seemed to flow better. I just felt better when I did it. And also, I have sort of data for that because the days that I wouldn’t do it, I just didn’t quite feel as in– I’ll say, yeah, I’ll use the term in flow. And then the day just goes so much better. And then, I can almost like rehearse my day where, in the journal, like, today’s going to be a good day. If anything’s coming up, I can kind of say how I want to show up. Obviously, the meditation for me has been huge, especially for someone that has mental health difficulties. Meditating has been so, so helpful for me.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. What I got from what you said, what comes up for me is, it’s the idea of starting your day with intention versus reaction, right? Intention versus reaction. You’re intentional about, and it’s just a sense of empowerment, like, wow, I’m taking care of myself. I know you’ve talked about self-care before where– are there other self-care practices that you do outside of the Miracle Morning?

Daniela Tilbrook: I mean, I’m trying to think what else do I do. I suppose, I mean, they’re the main ones actually, like, obviously, exercise, reading. So, you’ve got your journaling. I’m trying to think what else I do. I think there is something that’s really helped actually is just becoming aware of that voice, that voice in my head that takes me back to the old story. So, I’ve got a really, really strong sadness story and it’s got such a big power and it just puts me back in that story. So, it’s kind of becoming aware of that and just gently like with self-compassion saying to myself, Daniela, that’s not going to serve us. I know it’s been sad, and almost acknowledging that sadness, but sort of saying like, we’re not going to keep going down into this sadness, because then it just kind of pulls me back into depression again. So, I think being very mindful of how I’m thinking as well.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. It seems like a heightened level of awareness where you’re– from what you just said, Daniele, this isn’t going to serve us right now, right? You’re separating yourself from the thoughts and realizing that you are the thinker, right? You are consciousness, you’re the thinker, not the thoughts. And that you can choose to evaluate the thoughts that you’re habitually thinking, right, that the mind’s on autopilot from your past and, yeah, and go, hey, these aren’t serving me. I’m going to not go down that road again and again and again. Talk about faith. Oh, go ahead. Was there anything you wanted to say on top of that?

Daniela Tilbrook: Sorry, I was just going to say, it’s so important because if I’m honest, I’ve been thinking the same thoughts for like 20 years.

Hal Elrod: Yeah, yeah.

Daniela Tilbrook: And it just happened, and all this time, my life’s just been going and I’m stuck. Yeah, I just stuck in the past. So, that has been really important to just become, just as you said, to become that observer.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. You mentioned thinking the same thoughts for 20 years and you’re not the only one, that’s most of us, right? We continue to repeat the same stories. You mentioned stories, right, of this is what happened to me. This is what it meant. This is how it impacted me. This is why I am the way that I am, and as long as we perpetuate those stories, we create our own reality based on the thoughts and the stories that we continue to allow ourselves to perpetuate.

What about affirmations? Like for me, that’s where affirmations are so powerful because I get to write the new story. I go, okay, these are the thoughts that serve me. These are the beliefs that serve me, right? I’m putting them in writing, and then I’m going to read these every day and I’m going to reprogram my subconscious mind and replace that negative self-destructive thinking with empowering, inspiring thinking. Are affirmations a tool that have been part of it for you or is it more than meditation?

Daniela Tilbrook: I love affirmations and I’ve stolen one of yours, Hal, which is one of my absolute favorites, which is, I love the life I have whilst creating the life of my dreams, because it’s such a great affirmation because it absolutely honors everything that you have in your life right now, but also having that forward focus, yeah, whilst creating that life of, yeah, your dreams. So that’s very cool.

Hal Elrod: Yes. Love the life you have while you create the life of your dreams. And most people are waiting till they create the perceived life of their dreams, where they allow themselves to love the life that they have. Yeah, I’d love to talk about your faith. I know faith was a complicated part of your story. How’d you rebuild your faith, spirituality after betrayal from your own father?

Daniela Tilbrook: I mean, it did take a long time, because for a long time, I was really angry. I was like, well, God can’t love me. And actually, I was like, well, actually, I don’t even believe in God anymore. It was because it was such a sort of betrayal. But I think this journey has led me down, I eventually trained to be a yoga teacher, because yoga really helps. Actually, yoga was the first time I realized my chronic overthinking, I remember like lying in savasana and all these thoughts were coming in and like the teacher saying, relax your mind. And I’m like, whoa.

I think it was that awareness of like, it’s just, as soon as I’d wake up in the morning, the thoughts would just go, just round and round. So, that was my kind of first introduction to kind of mindfulness and, yeah, I kind of went down the yoga route and I don’t know, started kind of finding that connection to, I supposed, God to myself, that I didn’t have to go through a priest or a middleman that actually, like I have a direct connection myself. And it feels, I don’t know, I think this is where the purpose comes in. I feel that this is what I’ve been called to do. And although it’s been really difficult and I’ve been refusing that call because of the subject matter and because it’s a really difficult thing to talk about and admit that you’ve been through, and so, publicly as well, but I think it’s, yeah, through meditation, through being quiet, I’ve kind of found that connection myself.

Hal Elrod: Yeah, that’s beautiful. I forgot who said this, but someone said you are most qualified to help the person that you once were, right? So, you having gone through abuse and trauma, and then having healed yourself and figured out what works and what doesn’t, and now, I love that you found your purpose in simply asking what have I been through and overcome and healed from that I can now help others do the same. And I think that in and of itself is such a powerful lesson for all of us. And then all of a sudden, the trauma serves a purpose, the pain serves a purpose.

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah. No, I totally agree, because I’m a personal trainer and for a long time, I was thinking, oh, I’ll just grow my personal training business and put my focus there. But when you know deep down, it was that I knew what the calling was, but it just felt really difficult, so I was kind of avoiding it. But the problem with that is that kind of causes low-level depression as well because deep down, you’re not doing the thing you’re meant to be doing.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. Yeah, well, I’m so grateful that you’ve got the courage and you are putting it out in the world and you’re doing it. So, one thing I want to ask about, I know, during your journey, you went from surviving to coaching, right? You’re already helping other people. I believe it’s called spiritual survivors coaching. Is that your coaching practice?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yes, yes, that’s correct.

Hal Elrod: And so, how do you help others through your coaching practice?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, I coach people that are ready to be coached because I’m not a therapist and there’s definitely a place for therapy because I’ve been through different kind of modalities and that’s been so helpful. But I work with people that are kind of ready to take that step forward to kind of creating that life, looking into the future. And what’s great is, as the session starts, I do create that self-container where people can kind of talk about things that have happened if that’s what they want. But as the sessions go on, we just talk much more about the future and goal setting and sort of achieving things in the future.

And what’s great actually, just for your mental health also is when you do difficult things. You feel so good about yourself, and I think the more you do them, this is one of the examples where this feels like a difficult thing. It’s great to be on your podcast, but it’s not something I’ve got much experience in being a podcast guest. So, this is also really exciting, sort of out of my comfort zone, but like, you’ll just feel so good having done it rather than just staying in that comfort zone. So, it’s kind of encouraging people. I see myself as a guide, to kind of guide people out of the maze of just overthinking mental health, that kind of loop really that people get stuck in.

Hal Elrod: You mentioned mental health a couple of times. Many people struggling with mental health, I think, they feel trapped in cycles of two things, overthinking and inaction, right? And they perpetuate the two. The overthinking leads to the inaction, and then the inaction leads to now you’re overthinking about the things that you’re not doing that you should be doing. And it’s like round and round and round we go. So, there are these cycles of overthinking and inaction. First, how did taking action, especially doing difficult things that you just mentioned, how that helped you break free and how do people do it? How do you get yourself to do something that you don’t feel like doing? So, how did you do it? And then I guess, that would also probably answer the question is how do people get themselves to do the things that are difficult to do.

Daniela Tilbrook: I guess it’s taking those little steps out of the comfort zone. You don’t have to go crazy, but just kind of, yeah, taking those incremental steps and it’s bit like kind of fitness training. If a client comes to me and they’re very deconditioned, obviously, we start slowly and then they get stronger and we sort of build it up. But it’s similar thing with sort of taking action, you take those small actions, you take more actions, but just knowing that all the fun, all the achievement, all the excitement is on the other side of your comfort zone, because if when you’re stuck in it, you’re just living the same life really.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. No, baby steps, right? You take a little baby step and then you gain a little confidence that, hey, I did that thing that I was out of my comfort zone and now, it’s in my comfort zone because I did it. I love that. So, you’ve done a lot of coaching. You coach people. You wrote the book, like if someone’s dealing with childhood trauma or they are dealing with shame and/or both, right, as a result, one from the other, your book is Not My Shame, what is it going to help people do?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, the first part of the book is my story, and it’s kind of like a short memoir that just takes you through the kind of decades and the effects. And the second part of the book is called the LIGHT, where I talk about lots of different kind of therapies. Not so much as a prescription to people, because everyone’s on a different journey. Some things might work for someone that might not work for others. And then, yeah, so the second section of the book is the kind of light and how we kind of, yeah, come to terms with kind of what’s happened to us and yeah…

Hal Elrod: Is it a combination of mindset and then also strategy, would you say? Or I’m just trying to understand that the second part of the book, the LIGHT, what’s that teaching people or pointing them towards?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah. There is a teaching element where I’ve got like an acronym light where we kind of let it go, the I was initially It’s not your fault, which is still very, very valid. The I is integration. And then we’ve got G, grow, heal, and then time. Obviously, the time, it takes that container of time where we kind of heal and it talks about different sort of healing modalities. And also, is my story as well, how I kind of got to this place with the hope of kind of inspiring others that you can– I know how hard it is. It’s a really horrible thing to have happened and a really difficult thing and you don’t just get over it. It’ll always be kind of part of you. But how do we integrate it? And yeah, just kind of to me– and then it becomes part of you, it’s like, I don’t know, Hal, if you’ve heard the broken vase metaphor.

Hal Elrod: Share it again, please.

Daniela Tilbrook: So, when a vase breaks, rather than trying to sort of glue it all together, we just make something new out of it. And then it became gold, like the gold in between, so the golden vase.

Hal Elrod: I love that. I love that analogy. Oh, I just drew a blank. What was I going to ask you? Oh, LIGHT, I love that acronym. Can you go, obviously, with SAVERS, I’m a big fan of acronyms, especially when they’re…

Daniela Tilbrook: Oh, yeah, of course.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. And I like when there are one-word acronyms. When people do acronyms and each letter is a sentence, it’s like, oh, that’s too much. I can’t remember all of that. I want a word for each letter. Can you go through that again, go through the LIGHT acronym? I really like that.

Daniela Tilbrook: So, L, let it go, I is integration, G is grow, H is heal, and then T is time.

Hal Elrod: And the idea is you’ve got to give yourself time, right? It’s not an overnight instant thing. Wow, I love that.

Daniela Tilbrook: I think, I mean, I would’ve loved to have written a book, I don’t know, like, my seven steps to happiness or I don’t know. I guess it just does take time. There’s no set prescription for this. Like, we’re all so different. We’ve had different experiences. And one thing that’s actually really helped is meeting other survivors. Sadly, there are so many of us out there. And that’s kind of really helped because you kind of– you don’t really have to explain anything. People kind of, they just understand straight away.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. No, totally. So, the book is coming out on– and I have one more question after this, so don’t– let’s not go anywhere. But I just want to make sure, so the book is coming out June 27th, you said?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yes, that’s correct.

Hal Elrod: And that is– what was the day that that…

Daniela Tilbrook: Oh, so it’s PTSD Awareness Day.

Hal Elrod: PTSD Awareness Day. But people can pre-order on Amazon now, is that right?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yes, it’s available on pre-order on Kindle.

Hal Elrod: All right, so pre-order, if this resonates with you, Not My Shame. Pre-order it now. And the last question I just want to ask you, Daniela, and thank you so much for this today. It’s been really, really, really helpful for me to hear your story. If someone listening today is struggling to break free from their past, their shame, their trauma, what is one message that you want them to take away?

Daniela Tilbrook: That it’s not their shame. Yeah, totally. It was never your shame. And we need to give it back to the person it belongs to. And also, I have kind of met people that have really struggled to tell someone, and it’s to find– yeah, just find someone kind of trustworthy, someone that can kind of hold that space for you because, yeah, unfortunately a lot of survivors have just had horrible– just horrible reactions when they have disclosed. So, it’s kind of finding someone that they can trust.

Hal Elrod: And would you say, for you, did you say your husband was the first person that you told?

Daniela Tilbrook: So, he was the first person outside my family.

Hal Elrod: Okay. And then you mentioned also that you’ve shared it with therapists, correct?

Daniela Tilbrook: Yeah.

Hal Elrod: And what’s been most valuable for you? For someone listening, like, if they’re afraid to tell a professional, has that been really valuable? And is there a specific type of professional that you look for?

Daniela Tilbrook: Do you mean like a therapist?

Hal Elrod: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Daniela Tilbrook: I mean, yeah, just to find someone that you connect with. And don’t be worried about, like, not just taking the first person, because I think, when we’re sort of dealing with something so difficult, I think you really do need that sort of human connection with someone. So, it’s definitely worth spending a bit of time, kind of finding the right person. And I’ve got a lot of benefit from internal family systems therapy and sort of done talking therapies as well. So, it’s kind of finding a modality that kind of resonates with you.

Hal Elrod: Yeah, I love that. And then from what you shared, right, you’ve read many self-help books, including The Miracle Morning, you integrate The Miracle Morning, you’ve gone to retreats where they’re guiding you through meditation, you’ve done yoga, you’ve done various forms of therapy, right? So, it’s like you’ve done the work and it’s little pieces. I know personally, having– I was diagnosed with PTSD after my cancer and things I’ve gone through, it’s like, there is no one silver bullet, right? It really is like continuously learning, growing, evolving, letting it go, integrating, growing, healing, and taking time to use your LIGHT, an acronym. I can’t believe I remembered all those, which actually says a lot that you really, those are great words and a great acronym that I was able to remember it. But yeah, and so, thank you for doing the work that you’re doing and thank you for taking your pain, finding your purpose, and being on a mission to help other people.

Daniela Tilbrook: Thanks, Hal. And you hit the nail on the head. There is no silver bullet. But it is, it does all help. There is no one thing that’s going to suddenly make you feel better, but the journey, I think the accumulation or when you keep moving forward and keep doing this stuff, it really does help. And you, finally– I mean, well, that’s what’s really exciting. Like, you can leave victimhood and you can become a creator of your own life, which is absolutely fantastic.

Hal Elrod: Yeah. That’s what we all deserve. Nothing less than what you just said. Well, goal achievers, members of the Miracle Morning Community, friends, family, I love you so much. Go check out Not My Shame by Daniela Tilbrook, and if this resonates with you and if you have childhood trauma, shame, or if someone you know that you want to gift this book to, go check out the book on Amazon. You can pre-order it today. And thank you so much, Daniela. Thank you for being with me today. I really, really appreciate you and all that you’re doing.

Daniela Tilbrook: Thank you, Hal. It’s so great to meet you.

Hal Elrod: You too.

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